Thursday, December 10, 2009

How do you feel about cheating?

With all the Tiger Woods infidelity buzz circulating these days, the topic of cheating has come up quite a bit amongst my friends. I can't say for sure what I would do if my boyfriend ever cheated on me, but I do know that it wouldn't be pretty. I don't think I would--rather, could--give him a second chance. Sure, I'd probably forgive him one day, but I just don't think I could accept it. (Or does accepting and forgiving go hand-in-hand??) I'm 99.99999 percent sure this would never happen, but if it did, I'd just feel like my relationship with him was a lie. How do you regain that trust? A lot of couples do work through it though, and come out of it just fine--maybe even better than before--and there is something to be said for that, too.

Ironically, the movie, Unfaithful, is one of my all time favorites. I'm not sure why? Maybe it's because Diane Lane is so freakin' hot. I mean, all the sneaking around and rough sex makes for a pretty good movie--it's exciting. I'm sure a lot of women relate to Diane, too. She has a caring husband, beautiful house, cute kid--everything--yet, she still doesn't feel fulfilled.

As much as I like Diane's character in the movie, I never once feel sorry for her. Everyone is responsible for their decisions and happiness. I think infidelity happens because people just settle for certain things because...I don't's easy? Like, how much could Tiger Woods truly be in love with his wife? I'm sure he married her because he wanted to settle down--or felt like he should. I will be a lonely, crazy cat lady before I marry someone I'm not over the moon for. I wouldn't settle for anything less than what I deserve--which is the best, of course.

OK, not to go off on a tangent here, but I also have a huge problem with people calling infidelity a mistake. A mistake to me is calling someone by the wrong name, not banging a skank behind your wife's back. But hey, that's just my humble opinion.

I don't want to generalize this topic too much--I'm aware that everything is circumstantial, and differs from one person to the next. Now that I've done my share of rambling, tell me: How do you feel about cheating? If someone cheated on you, could you give them a second chance?


  1. Hi Ellen! I just blogged about cheating on cafe fabulousity today, too! The topic is certainly in the air. I have to say that fortunately I have never been in this situation but agree that I am 99.9999% sure that I could never forgive/accept it. Perhaps we are naive? I'm interested to see what your other readers have to say!

    PS. I loooove Unfaithful, too! S-E-X-Y!!

  2. Ohh, I'll have to check out your post right now, Kelly! It's interesting, I feel like when you have high standards, you're considered naive, and that's just not cool. Umm sorry, I just don't agree with the whole idea that "men just can't help themselves." Gross.

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  4. I have said several times lately, "Why can't people just keep it in their pants?" or in the alternative, if you don't want to be faithful, don't get/stay married. Granted, kids and lifestyles make things complicated, and I can't begin to fathom that.
    Children aside, if you really want to be with someone else (or several someone elses) don't make your significant other believe that s/he is the only one for you.
    Just be like George Clooney - date lots of hot brunettes, take them to your villa, and then when you have had enough move on.

    And I agree Ellen, infidelity is not a mistake. You don't trip and fall on someone's who-ha. If cheating comes into your mind, then taking those steps (because it is a slippery slope...ew gross) basically means you are giving up on your real relationship. It is the cowardly thing to do. No one-night or multi-night stand is worth the guilt and regret. An honest examination of your relationship and feelings (and a cold shower) is what should happen before you take that step.

    Oh, I could go on and on about this: Men who marry women because of their social status but you know will have mistresses, women who marry for position rather than love, it's all just sad.

    I will stop for now....good topic!


  5. I recently read somewhere about a woman that was married to a professional athlete... she packed condoms for her husband to carry "just in case" so that he wouldn't bring back any diseases. UM!? If I thought for a second my husband, no matter how rich and famous, would cheat- I wouldn't be married to him much longer!

  6. Mrs. Muffins--just saw your you remember who the celeb was?? That's crazy!!!!

  7. i love shannon's comments! that is exactly how i feel-why would you be with someone that you aren't 'over the moon' about? i would never want my partner to doubt our relationship to the point that he thought about being with someone else and took those steps. it's just wrong...

    and no ellen, accepting and forgiving do NOT go hand in hand. it is possible to forgive someone and not accept or understand and even get over what you have forgiven them.

  8. OK, good...wasn't sure if I was being too close-minded about the forgiving/accepting thing. I like to look at things from other people's point of view, but sometimes it's just hard when I feel strongly about something!