Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It's gettin' stinky up in here!

Yesterday the bathroom at work was smellin' funky FRESH, y'all. Oh. my. lawd. It was bad. Now, thank goodness I wasn't actually in the bathroom when this shit (pun intended) was going down, but I can only imagine the effort that went into producing that gnarly stench.

Everyone at one time or another has been a culprit of this disgusting crime. Sometimes, you just can't help it. It's a lot better to just go ahead and do your biz-nas than to be worried about accidentally farting in front of your boss or during a staff meeting. As gross and embarrassing as it is, my advice is to be as quick as possible. Don't sit in the stall forever waiting for someone to leave, run the water or flush the toilet. Everyone knows what you're up to in there, so you might as well get it over with so the smell doesn't linger forever.

Confession: I spent quite a bit of time contemplating whether or not I should post this. What will my mom think? And will all five of the guys that occasionally frequent my blog think I'm a super-raunchy psycho? Maybe. And then I started thinking I could possibly be turning into Britney Spears. Everyone thought she was a nice, innocent Southern gal at first, and now look at her. Oh my gosh, is this where it all begins? First, it's writing about taking dumps at work, then I'll walk into a gas station bathroom without shoes on, and then...oh lord, make it stop!

Whoa, I need to calm down. An.y.way. Tell me friends: Is handling your "business" at work a DO or a DON'T? And do you have any funny work bathroom stories? I'd looove to hear them!


  1. One day I walked into the bathroom o' doom...I mean it smelled like a cesspool. And I know the old adage of whoever smelt it dealt it but I promise in the case it wasn't true. So I went about my normal #1 business quickly as I was trying not to breathe too much.

    Of course as I walked out I saw my boss coming right towards me and I held the door open for her. I seriously wanted to grab her arm, look her sincerely in the eyes and say, "It REALLY wasn't me." But I smiled at her and walked away. Argh. I mean, what ARE you supposed to do in those situations??

  2. Good to hear from you, Rain! That is HILARIOUS, and I totally know the feeling. Every time I'm on the reverse side of that situation, I just try to remember that the last person in the bathroom isn't necessarily the one who dropped the bomb! Maybe your boss kept that in mind as well :)

  3. One time I walked into the bathroom at work and someone forgot to flush. I was pretty grossed out, but didn't want someone to think I had left the mess behind, so I flushed it. Well I had to turn my head as to not to get too close to the toilet while flushing it (don't love being up close and personal with someone else's business) - the door flung back in my face and gave me a fat lip.

    So, I say, if you gotta go you gotta go - but please, FLUSH!

  4. Here is another dilema that I would love your opinion on.. I hypothesize that 70%+ of bathroom usage is in either the front stall(people are lazy and walk as little as possible) or in the handicap stall( it's known as the captains chair around our office). So then you are left to agonize what is your better choice to cut down your exposure to random strangers and co-workers rear ends. I have lost minutes that probably add up to horus pondering this topic.

    There is a tenant in the office next to mine that washes his hands and drops the pool of water he has just rinsed his hands with on the floor every time which has led to a noticable mold beginning to form directly where he stands. When confronted he makes a noise I can not explain then walks out of the bathroom. People are such uniuque creatures..

    Also I do not find you raunchy for addressing this issue. I think you have the courage most of us lack to bring to the fore front an issue that if fixed, could lead to a drastic inmprovement in quality of life for all. This should put you in the forefront for the Nobel Peace Prize 2011!

  5. The work dump, always controversial, always fun. When i started my current job, at a prosecutor's office, i was leary of using the restroom for a number 2. Now that i have been there a few years i have reached a comfort level with my co-workers and could honestly care less about what they think about me dumping at work. I actually think of it as more of a break and often take a sudoku in there with me. (for some reason i am better at these puzzles when i use a red pen)

    Stanky topics need love too.

  6. CJudith: Ouuuch! That does not sound fun. As if the smelly bathroom wasn't bad enough.

    Flip: Sudoku while "dumping" at work?! That's awesome! haha. I bet you do your best thinking in those bathroom stalls!

    Cincy: I am quite honored by your Noble Peace Prize comment. With enlightening blogs about midgets, botox and dumping at work, I can't say that I disagree with you. And as far as which stall I usually choose, I go with the handicap one. I like the extra space. Makes things more comfortable, especially if you're going to be in the stall for a while :) And about your co-worker...that is totally weird. Just call him out on it one day--I DARE YOU!!!