Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Topic of concern for teens on the Upper East Side: Finding a clean prostitute

Hol-y freakin' COW is all I really have to say right now. Ok, so I have a bit more to say than that. You know how I told you in this post that I'm scanning family photos for a woman on the UES for extra cash? (Yes, that's right—I can now add "professional photo scanner" to my resume, right next to babysitter and Craigslist surfer!). Well today her 17 year-old daughter was home from school—apparently the MLK holiday was extended—and she had some guy friends over. 

I had a lot of guy friends in high school. We drank beer, listened to rap music and watched MTV together as I listened to them make fun of slutty or annoying girls, and go on and on about the hot ones. And occasionally someone would turn on a porno unexpectedly just to torture me. To me, that's pretty standard teenage shit. What we didn't do was make plans for a senior trip all over Europe and contemplate how we were going to find clean prostitutes in Amsterdam. This is the sort of conversation I was forced to listen to for over an hour today amongst a group of Uptown kids. Yes, you are still kids.

There was much talk of getting f***ed up and hooked up in one sense or another. And the way they so casually talked about flitting from one country to the next totally boggled my mind. The girl in the group wanted to go to Paris, but the boys talked her out of it by saying that the clubs weren't fun enough. Now, none of them have actually been to Paris, but that didn't really matter—they were the authority on EVERYTHING. 

I just sat there at the computer scanning my photos and praying to God that they wouldn't ask my opinion on anything. They didn't. I don't know why their conversation was making me feel so uneasy, but I had the same unsettling feeling even long after I left. I'm sure down deep they are good kids, but their maturity totally bugged me out. Big time. They did pronounce several things wrong, like Ibiza and the Louvre. I had the urge to correct them to prove that the pathetic 29 year-old photo scanner girl actually knows a thing or two, but I kept my yapper shut. I think that was a good call.  And yes, there really was talk about finding "clean prostitutes," but at that point I was feeling so bajiggity, I couldn't concentrate on another word that was said. I'm sure it was a joke (at least that's what I'm telling myself), but still

I suppose when you're already hitting the club scene at the age of 17, going to Kid Cudi shows and checking out Georgia O'Keefe exhibits on the weekend, you really can't help but to be mature beyond your years. But um, yeah...this experience pretty much terminated any thoughts I've ever had of raising a family in Manhattan one day. I just do not need that type of stress in my life!

I know it's not just in Manhattan—kids today are just more mature in general. Does this ever freak you out about having your own kids one day? And for anyone who is already a parent, how do you deal?!


  1. #insufficientdaddying as @BomaniJones always says on twitter

  2. Yeah, my daughter is only 8 months old but already does "MySpace lips" when I take pictures of her...

  3. [mouth agape] Wow...just wow.

    Life in the Bluegrass really was idyllic. And we have remained STD-free and out of rehab because of it. So glad I was raised in Lexington.


  4. These kids need to see Taken... and I bet they don't have a bad ass ex-CIA Dad to come rescue them :)

    Where are their parents anyway?

  5. I am confident that my future child will come out of the womb holding a blackberry, smoking a blunt and screaming "Sup, Bitches!"

  6. Myspace lips...too funny, MM!

    I don't think it's "insuffientdaddying"...by looking at all the family pics, they actually do seem pretty tight. BUT the parents do work a lot, and I'm sure the kids are on their own more than they should be. Whooo knows the real story, it's only my second week.

    I'm happy I was raised in Lexington, too. I wouldn't want to experience everything five years before I'm supposed to, I'd get bored with everything.

    And yes, Becca, I have seen that movie—it's good! I'm not really sure what the deal is with their trip. I actually played out several versions in my mind of what it would be like if I was the chaperone for something like that. I would not survive. No way.

    True, Heather. If my baby's first words were "S'up, bitches!" I'd laugh and give it a fist bump ;)

  7. Ug. I worry what my kids will face for sure. My biggest complaints for kids right now is that they don't play outside on their own or get dirty or hurt or have any drive to work. I'm goign to work extra hard a give my kids a hard working role model to look up to. Its easy to say now since they are so young, but I really want to avoid TV and DVD and make them go out and do things. As far as these kids go, they are probably goign to be fine. I'm sure if you had a tape of yourself at that age you would cring at yourself too. I know I wasn't talking about world traveling and finding clean hookers though. My guess is that once they get there they won't end up doing most of that stuff. Side note: You didn't give the woman you're working for your blog address did you?

  8. Ha, thanks for looking out, George! No, I don't think she knows my blog, but I asked my friend who worked with the family for several years about whether or not I should post it, and she said it wouldn't be a big deal even if they did find it. I guess they're just cool like that?!

    And I really didn't do anything cringe-worthy at that age. I was SO naive it was ridiculous. I'm not judging, but I just can't understand it. They only painful thing to look back on during my teen years was my frizzy hair, intense unibrow and pimple-covered skin. Grossss.

    And I'm with ya on the TV/DVD/hard work thing...I'm sure your kiddos will be bright and well-versed just like their parents :)

  9. I went to Europe when I was 17, which was last summer, and to be honest, I'm with you. I saw teens there my own age, and I was just wondering what the hell were they doing? Hooking up with random people they met in hostels? Sorry, but I'd rather be safe and take in the Vatican in Rome than go look for a cheap, clean prostitute.

  10. And sorry, I'm not a whacked out blog creeper, I found the link on glamour.com, and it looked interesting.

  11. No worries, Obsessed, I love creepers :) Who did you take your trip with, and what cities did you go to? I'm so jealous...I didn't even go to Europe until I was 25!! I have a lot of catching up to do...

  12. Haha, well, that's a bit of a relief. I went with my older sister (who's actually ten years older than me, but there are more sisters in between), and her best friend. We hit London, Glasgow, Paris, Vienna, Budapest and Rome. Best trip of my life, and I can't wait to go again. The entire time I kept hearing from the two of them, "I hate you! I would never have gone to Europe when I was 17!!" We get along great, needless to say.