Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Bachelor Blog 1: "Nice guys don't finish last, they just have to wait a little longer."

That's just one of the many Velveeta things that came out of Jake's mouth last night, and that's not even the worst of it. I'm not a huge fan of him (yeah I said it), but I like watching The Bachelor to see just how crazy the girls get. There are definitely some wack jobs up in that house—I can't WAIT to see shit go down! Since the show provides so much blog fodder, I've decided to do a regular Bachelor post until it's over. Who's happy about this?

Sure, he's got a dreamy smile and perfectly sculpted guns, but let's be honest ladies, the most alluring quality about Jake is the fact that wants a wifey. I'm not attracted to super-mushy men like Jake because it just doesn't seem genuine or natural to me, but I know I'm probably in the minority here. My boyfriend put it best when he said: "Guys assume one day they'll get married and have kids, but most don't dream about it or anticipate how it's going to happen. It happens when it happens." For the record, I do not think there's anything wrong with a guy wanting a relationship—it's a turn off though when it consumes him and defines who he is. And I haven't used this word in at least 15 years, but he's just.so.corny about it all. Ick. I'm gonna give him a chance though—just maybe he will chillax one good time and win me over!

I know The Bachelor isn't reality (Liza often has to remind me of that when I get heated over an unrealistic movie or TV show), but the Jake-method really does work. In NYC, I've witnessed nice, semi-cute, slightly dorky guys get mad play just because girls assume they are boyfriend material. This attention of course turns them into players and then the vicious cycle starts. Interestingly enough, the opposite is true for women. Guys automatically think that nice girls want a husband, like yesterday, and are scared off.

So tell me: What do you think about Jake? Do you think my theories on nice guys and girls ring true? (I'm sure plenty of guys will disagree with me on this one!) 


  1. I did not watch the show, but your use of the term "Velveeta" is wonderfully layered: It is a good replacement for "cheesy", but it is also a manufactured product that is cheep substitute for the real thing (delicious, delicious moo cow cheese0. And the idea of having anything "Velveeta" in my mouth is not appealing.
    So well-done!

    Speaking of substitutes, I will follow your blog updates as a substitute for watching the show. Thanks for keeping me in the loop.

  2. Wow, I didn't even think about the Velveeta comment that deeply, but you are totally right, Shannon! Well, I guess anything "cheesy" does tend to be artificial, so it makes sense.

  3. Does anyone else get a bit of a homosexual vibe from Jake?? His whole attraction to women seems manufactured to me. I want to like him, as a fellow Texan, but I just think there's something about him that screams, "I haven't come out of the closet and I really am gay and that's exactly why I am freakishly hot and can't seem to get a girlfriend...."

  4. Ohhh I didn't pick up on that vibe!! I don't know...what does everyone else think? I personally think he's just a bit cheesy and dense. There were a few jokes he didn't pick up on and I don't think those girls are even that bright.