Thursday, January 21, 2010

This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my...

So according to my guy friends and plenty of things I've read online, guys want a girl who is "a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets." A girl who is sugar plum sweet and exchanges casserole recipes with your mom, but turns it on Jenna Jameson style behind closed doors. Guys, am I about accurate here? 

Well, one of my friends called me on Tuesday in a bit of a quandary regarding an experience he had with this "ideal" girl. For confidentiality reasons, I'll call her Peggy (dude, you know I really just keep forgetting whats-her-face's name!). Peggy is a polite girl from a small town who has never done drugs in her life, doesn't get drunk and doesn't even swear. Peggy, what the figgity-fuck woman?! She alluded to the fact that she could count her sexual partners on one hand (all of whom were serious boyfriends), and after a few weeks of dating my friend, she sealed the deal.

Apparently ol' Peggy is one wild bobcat. She was super-aggressive, flipping around in a million different positions and pleasuring herself like a nun using a vibrator for the first time. (Ok, so I'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense, but whateves). Basically, Pegs went at it super freaky-deaky like on the first go 'round. While I'm sure most guys would be pumped about this, my friend was a bit weirded-out—well, more shocked than anything. You know, it was kinda like how Jim felt in American Pie when Michelle demanded he scream her name...BITCH! 

I can totally understand this. If you think someone is one way, and then they are totallly opposite of that image, it kinda makes you wonder what else she's hiding. (Of course, being a dead fish in the sack isn't cool either, but geeze.) And holy cow, Peggy did all of this without being drunk! She seems like a nice girl, but my advice was to take things slooow. I think she could have a bit of crazy in her, and it will come out over time. Plus, from other things I know about Peggy, she wants to be married like yesterday, so I bet she was using the "I'll be the best he's ever had" tactic to really reel him in. FYI, girls, it doesn't really work that way—at least not in the long term if the guy doesn't actually really like you, too. 

So let's discuss: Do you think it is strange or understandable for a guy to be a bit spooked in a situation like this? Does anyone have any similar experiences to share?!


  1. I can see how your friend was weirded out. He was probably thinking that she would want to move slowly, and then get more comfortable before pulling out the circus act. Seems like she "blew her wad" if you will.
    Or maybe she is just really freaky. In which case...he is gonna need to take a yoga class to keep up.
    And this is a much better alternative to "all talk and no action".

  2. In all honesty I don't see the problem here. If she has had a few serious boyfriends, she knows what she wants by now. Taking it slow is always good (I dated for 7 years before marriage). I agree little wierd to "break it out on the first go round" but at least she didn't ask him to choke her...right? I knew a guy that wanted to be choked by his girlfriends...that would be a dealbreaker for me.

  3. You are accurate, and this sounds like a great problem to have. Whether the guy being spooked is weird really just depends on the person. Some people like a freak, some people don't. A freaky surprise is about as good as it gets IMO. I guess you didn't go into all the details though, so it could be worse than i imagine.

  4. George makes it sound like we waited JoBros-style until we were married. Let's clear that up. LOL.

    I think serial monogamists tend to be more adventurous than those with a bunch of bedpost-notches -- for the exact reason you mentioned. Most people don't want to break out the kink until they're comfortable in a relationship. Plus, the long-termers have had more reason to get creative and keep things interesting.

    But I think you hit the nail on the head with your friend's girl -- it sounds like maybe she emptied her whole bag of tricks to 'hook' him.

    P.S. I'm laughing that G is still SO traumatized by his old co-worker. Maybe because the guy was a total creeper who casually brought up his fetish in the middle of a work lunch.

  5. Sorry K-didn't mean for you to look like a prude :) We really didn wait at all on the lovin. She had mentioned possible bridzilla potential. But anyway, I think everyone agrees that this guy should not look a gift horse in the mouth.(but in this case...its probably open already. ba-dum--tiss I'll be here all night)

  6. I think he should take it as a compliment that she's THAT comfortable with him... okay, maybe a little too comfortable. I'd be spooked if a guy's personality shifted that dramatically but maybe that was just a one time thing. She might tone it down after they've been together a while. Or maybe she's just a wolf in sheep's clothing and wears a damn good costume.

  7. Haha, yes, Shannon he just might have to limber up a bit for all the twisting and contorting!

    No worries, Kara, I knew what G meant by dating seven years before marriage. Not that I thought you were a slut or anything, but um...yeah, I figured it out! And let's be honest, the JoBros probably handed in their V-cards the minute they had the opportunity.

    Oh and G, that is crazy about the choking fetish and how he talked about it like it was no big thang. I got think things got that freaky in this instance, but I'm pretty sure I don't know ALL the deets! (Which I think in this case is a good thing).

    Flip, so just curious, if a girl got all circus act freaky on you straight out of the gate, would it effect the way you see her? I suppose it depends on the girl and how much you like her, right?

    Good point, Kelly, I didn't really think of it like that!

  8. yea most def.

    if it's a girl i have been trying to get at for a while, it would be great. I dunno, i guess how some gay people claim to have 'gaydar' i think i have freakdar. It's just hard for a girl to hide it no matter how innocent they appear. there are subtle things that give it away.