Sunday, November 15, 2009

Are you confrontational?

I'm not—at all. And I hate it because I think it's a weak quality. I'm aware of the fact that you can stand up for yourself without totally biting someone's head off, but I still can't do it. Like last night, for instance. I told the mother of the girls I was babysitting for that I'd need money for a cab home in addition to my hourly rate (hourly rate, geeze, that sounds pathetic), and she said fine. Well, that was two weeks ago. Last night when the dad handed over my cash and asked if it was enough, of course, I said yes. There was no cab money included, and while I'm sure it just totally slipped their minds (at least that's what I'm telling myself), I was a  bit bummed. I even gave the girls an autographed photo of the Jonas Brothers—if that isn't tip-worthy, I don't know what is!

People that are skilled at confrontation amaze me. The other week in my vinyasa yoga class, the substitute teacher did ashtanga instead, which to me, is a bit more aerobic and challenging. I was happy about the change of pace, but I could tell that a few of the older women in the class were not. Then one of them blurted out, "What's going on here? This isn't vinyasa!" I was stunned. 

Remember this catfight Kristin and Audrina had at Heidi's birthday party? K-Cav's got guts, man—she isn't scared to step to anyone. (She does need to go back to acting school though, yikes). I wish I could be a bit more like her. Just a bit

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm non-confrontational with everything. I'll let a hairdresser whack off two more inches than I wanted, or a masseuse give me a deep tissue massage that hurts so bad I feel like I could be paralyzed before I say a peep. I finally worked up the guts to tell the girls at my nail place (you know, when I could afford to get a mani/pedi) that I didn't want my cuticles cut and that I just couldn't handle anyone massaging my calves because it tickled too much. Oh, and the other day when a guy took the cab that I had hailed, I got a little feisty and yelled out, "Nice work, guy!" and gave him a thumbs up. Umm yeah, he was all the way across the street, and if he had actually walked over to me, I probably would have apologized and run away. 

So tell me: Is anyone else non-confrontational like I am? Who's good at it? I need help!!


  1. I definitely have the moments where I relate to you, but I also feel confident in confronting an issue when I think it is really necessary. It's been said before, but it's truly all about choosing your battles! Maybe you can get by with two-extra inches of hair chopped off-- in fact, it might look better! But, do you really want to hobble around with a weird kink in your back all week? Speak up and tell the masseuse to tone it down! Confronting people doesn't have to be painful, as long as you control your tone and get across your point in a careful, but assertive manner. It really makes it easier on everyone. Maybe the next "non-confrontational" person who goes in for a massage will be spared discomfort, because you spoke up and helped the masseuse out!

  2. Yes, POH, my mom always lectured us about "choosing our battles!" I agree. And I think you really can't go wrong if you handle a situation with's definitely something I need to work on!!

  3. i laughed out loud thinking about you giving the thumbs up and then running away

  4. I am not confrontational at ALL and it really makes things difficult. Whether it's staying in a relationship that isn't working for you, not speaking up at work, not talking to your family, or even letting a bad fight with a friend "go", well, all of that stuff just stays inside and truly brings you down. I'm working on it, but if anyone has any tips, let me know! I do really wish I had the guts to speak up a lot of the time.

  5. MA, I was quite shocked at myself that I even gave the guy a thumbs-up—that was a bit immature. Oops! (I get taxi rage sometimes, I can't help it!)

    Oh Dazey, I wish I had some tips for you. My inability has hurt me in a lot of those areas as well. Last week, I sent a passive-aggressive email to a co-worker and it totally spiraled out of control and caused more issues than was necessary. Maybe next time you should just take a deep breath and DO IT. Remind yourself of how good you will feel once it's over. I think, if done right, speaking up is respected.

  6. i agree with ellen-speaking up CAN be really appreciated if done properly. my feeling is that that majority of people aren't doing (or not doing) something meant to hurt or bother you and so how are they to know if you are upset if you don't speak up and tell them! plus, it definitely does make you feel better to stand up for yourself. it's not easy though-especially with people who could be potentially intimidating like bosses or mothers in law.

    but people who do rude things just to be rude (hello taxi stealer) definitely deserve the old thumbs up/run away 1-2 punch that ellen has developed. :)

  7. Haha, we'll see how effective that method is when some crazy person actually chases me down one day!