Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Is it time for me to grow up yet?

My mom is easily the most selfless person I know, and I have a feeling I'll be the exact same way when I have kids of my own. Hell, it shouldn't be hard really because for the past six years (or quite possibly my entire life), it's been all about ME. What do I want? What will make me happy? I'm constantly dreaming, chasing, going going going. I want bigger, better, more more MORE! When will it ever be enough? When will I make my mark in this world? Feels like never. But I can't give it up. Not yet. The hope that anything can happen at any moment makes me tick. I know eventually it will be my biological clock that's ticking, but lord knows when that will be.

This is the way I feel 90 percent of the time. However, I have my moments when any semblance of normalcy and security seems pretty darn awesome. I had one on Sunday at my friend Lorraine's baby shower as I watched her unwrap toys, bibs and ridiculously tiny onesies in her new three-bedroom apartment. Is it time for me to grow up? I thought.

Here I am with Rain--she ended up going into labor that very night, and I can't wait to meet her cute, pink, wrinkly little babe!

Of course I'm going to show you the food--it was too yummy and pretty not to. The shower had a tea party theme, which was fitting since Lorraine's husband, Christopher, is a Brit just like my bf. I piled a few cucumber sandwiches on my plate; everything tastes better in a triangle shape :)

Chicken salad on endive. Fancy.

These chocolate cupcakes could easily rival any I've had at my favorite bakeries in the city. They were so gooey and moist. You can't imagine how hard it was for me to cut myself just half of one.

Scones! I actually liked them just as much, if not better than the cupcakes.

And tea. I poured myself a cup, and then another, in an attempt to stop eating. It kinda/sorta/not really worked :)

So yeah, there are times when I feel like I should just get my act together and get goin' on this grown up thing, but I'm not quite ready. I think having this "me" time will only be beneficial in the future. If I wasn't selfish now, I'd no doubt end up like Betty on Mad Men who's painfully bored and unfulfilled...and turning into an alcoholic. (I'm on season two and it's getting goood!) Even so, when do you push the dreams aside and just get real?


  1. I have been thinking the exact same thing a lot lately. The only problem is that I am not ready and do not want to grow up and settle down even if everyone else my age seems to be. I guess I'll get around to it one day...

  2. Hey Paige! Glad you feel me on this one. I don't know what I would do if I didn't live in NYC. Most of my friends actually aren't married and having babies, so I feel very "normal." It's really nice...but it's also nice taking a peek on the OTHER side from time to time. I guess it reassures me what I am and am not ready for!

  3. No reason to rush it, there's always time to grow up. It'll be a lot more enjoyable if you are ready.

  4. I think the right time is when you don't think of it as "pushing the dreams aside" anymore. It's corny, but at some point it'll seem like the dream itself instead of an obstacle. I hit a point -- and it took 10 years -- where instead of thinking about my next career move, I was like, babybabybaby! It just suddenly sounded way more fun than anything else I could do.

    You're totally right -- if you get married or have kids before you're ready, you'll just be stressed and resentful about it.

    P.S. I can't believe your friend went into labor after her shower...props to her for getting through the day! At least she ate well before she got stuck in L&D with nothing but ice chips :)

  5. I wasn't anywhere near ready until I met HIM...the one who made me feel like having someone and something to come home to after work was far more important than sitting in an office after all signs of human life had left for the day.

    My opinion? When you're ready, you'll know; until you know, you're not ready.

  6. Glad you enjoyed the shower E! Glad I did too b/c ice chips were my only friend for two days!! Kara's right...you know when it's time when the "dream" changes.

    I was in the middle of planning a trip to Africa when I found out I was pregnant and suddenly putting the trip off wasn't so disappointing in lieu of getting ready for the little 'un. It just seemed like a new adventure.

    You work hard and deserve to enjoy the moment b/c you really do have plenty of time!

  7. Yeah, you guys are right...I'll just know. I know I want kids, but just not now. Do you just wake up one morning to your biological clock ticking or is it a natural progression?

    Rain!! How are you feeling? I couldn't BELIEVE you went into labor that night! Can't wait to come meet your babe...just let me know when I can come over :) Ice chips...mmm...ha

  8. I don't think it was a biological clock thing, because I wasn't pushing the envelope age-wise. And it definitely wasn't a sudden overnight thing. It was more like -- at first I was too busy to want kids. Then I started to obsess about how freakin' cute Violet Affleck is. Then eventually it escalated to the point where I was like, "I could drive a station wagon. I could shop at Baby Gap." Like Rain said, once you hit that point, it kind of becomes its own adventure. Plus, gift registries are the bomb!