"All women look beautiful, especially the ones who are getting older." Someone who thinks forehead wrinkles are sexy? I did not know such a person existed. Upon hearing that statement, I gladly gave him the 75 cents I had been jingling in my pocket.
"Why did Oprah go an' get married?" WHAT?! Oprah's married? I was two seconds from calling my friends at InTouch Weekly with the breaking news until I realized there was no supporting evidence on the internet. Damn.
"Everyone on this train who has a beer, you deserve it. You DEE-serve it!" I'll remember this the next time I go out drinking at an event instead of finishing those story pitches that have been on my To-Do list for a month.
"Do you know what it's like to go home after Dancing With the Stars and have some good sex? I mean some GOOD sex?" I'm not entirely sure what this means, but um, Ok. Who can answer the man's question?
"Even materialistic people have to take a shit." Remember these party snobs I wrote about long ago? Maybe I'll remind them of this the next time I see them out.
"One thing about a woman is...she needs a vibrator. Yes. She does." True story.
And then he got up and pointed to me and said, "She got a stank ass." Lovely. What's the craziest shit you've seen on the subway?