Monday, May 17, 2010

Things That Should Be Illegal: Take 3

1. A grandmother getting jiggy with her grandson. When I read about this story online, all I could think was, Please don't be from Kentucky, please don't be from Kentucky! Phew, Indiana.

2. Cell phones in yoga class. You know from this post what a competitive yogi I can be. It takes me a LONG time to finally relax and reach a place of zen, so when a cell phone goes off in the middle of class, I want to beat a bitch UP. Especially when the owner just keeps letting it ring and ring because they're too embarrassed to claim it. 

3. Lauren Conrad. She's a cute girl with a cute style. PERIOD. There is nothing more here. Nothing. Why does she have an "empire" built around her name? Every time I read an interview she's done, I just want to cry. She's so terribly boring, and every sentence out of her mouth is a cliche worse than the one before. 

4. PDA. I saw a teenage couple swapping spit at a restaurant with their entire family there at the table. It was disgusting. And they were so SERIOUS about it—looking into each other's eyes and shit. Honey, you know he did the same thing the night before with your best friend, right? 

5. College grads who get jobs right after school. A recent Columbia grad told me she's starting a marketing job with American Express in August. I wanted to STRANGLE her. It took me over a YEAR to land my first job out of school, and now, well, we all know what my situation is...

6. Celebs who renew their vows...over...and over. Mariah and Nick, Tori and Dean...just stop it. The only thing this proves is that you're total media whores.

7. Not paying the bus fare. It drives me CRAZY when someone steps on the bus knowing full well they don't have a cent on their metro card or in their wallet. Yet, they keep swiping their metro card with a confused looked, as if they just don't understand why it's not working. Then finally the driver gets fed up and lets them sit down. That is a FREE bus ride, and I consider that to be stealing. Stealing is illegal. 

8. For someone to spill your coffee on the floor...and then offer you a SIP of his. This happened to me the other day. Yes, the dude offered me a sip of his coffee. No thanks, you toothless bastard. You can practically catch an STD from just looking at someone these days—I'm not going to chance it. Not even for coffee. 

9. Canceling plans on someone AN HOUR before you're supposed to meet. Don't do this. It's not cool. It's selfish. Especially in New York where it can take almost an hour to get somewhere! 

10. Recording a song if you don't in fact have ANY musical abilities. Luann, are you serious? Momma, I know you're going through a hard time and you want to be all cool and hippity hop, but this is not good for your image. At all.

So tell me: Do you agree with anything on this list? What else should be illegal??


  1. #1...i had to stop reading the story 1/4 into it. eww eww EWW! and isn't incest actually illegal?

    cell phones in yoga? really..i would want to smack a bitch too!

    LOL about that you mention it...its pretty true, but i still kinda have a girl crush on her. why? beats me...

    5. please don't hate me ellen, i started my job 2 weeks after i graduated grad school. but if it makes you feel better, i HATE my job, i HATE my profession, and i've been trying to jump ship for a year...unsuccessfully. this economy BLOWS!

    10. the count-less, tranny from atlanti, heidi pratt, katy perry, there are a whole lot of talentless media whores with music deals. I wish they would all DISAPPEAR FOREVER AND EVER!

    I agree with everything you've pointed out!
    what else should be illegal...hypocritcal idiotic politicians who only aim to serve their personal agendas while the rest of us get screwed in this sucky ass economy--please check out the story about texas's governor.

  2. AHHH i HATE when people cancel on you an hour beforehand!!!! SO rude.

  3. LC is pointless. I don't get it. But my #1? The guy who spilled his whole beer on my new dress and Marc Jacobs bag and IN my bag and didn't even get up. Just kept trying to get the waitress to grab napkins. Umm..GET UP AND GET SOME. NYU snobs.

  4. Don't be hatin' on the new grads with jobs! Be happy for us. I never wanted to strangle (as you boldly said) my classmates who landed jobs before me. If anything seeing them get jobs made me more hopeful that something would open up for me and that things were getting better. That goes for not-so-recent grads, too. While it might not be fun seeing people get jobs before you at least there are jobs to get! I believe in job karma, and hatin' on people for landing gigs before you is bad ju-ju.

    Plus, you're not the marketing at AmEx kinda gal. :)

  5. haha LOVE number 10! That made me laugh out loud. LuAnn's singing is so off key! I cringed while watching it!

  6. Cancelling plans at the last minute really bugs me, and as for celebrities taking their vows again and again.....why?....didn't they mean it the first time round or is it like a car that needs refuelling or it dies?

  7. Cancelling bugs me.

    This might be really mean of me, but I also hate it when dumb people get rich.
    Like Justin Beiber. He said in an interview that American's don't say 'German'... yet he is worth a bomb of money, and the teenygirls love him, when clearly... he has no IQ. This bugs me.

    So do PDA's. No one wants to see that...

  8. I KNOW, Nadette...that's the thing about LC. She kind of sucks, she's really boring, but you still kind of like her. I honestly think it's just because she's cute. Not funny or smart, just cute. I don't know though, I haven't quite put my finger on what it is.

    Yes, Rachel, canceling is not cool. I've been known to do it, but with much more advance 24 hours!

    Ohmygosh, Elizabeth! Did you say anything to him??? That is crazy. Yet, I'm not surprised.

    I know, Lalla, LuAnn is just terrible. She's making "Tardy for the Party" look GOOD!

    Totally with ya on the celebrity vows thing, Gary...I just don't get it. Don't think I ever will.

    Haha, CuppyCakes, unfortunately there are A LOT of dumb rich people out there!

  9. I hear you, actually inspired today's blog post. Thanks! :)

  10. I dont hate on LC. Out of all the celebreality stars to come out of the MTV machine I think she may be the most normal, down to earth one of them. Do I find her to be boring on television? Yes, but I also think a fair share of that was because she was unwilling to put her ENTIRE life out there for us (for instance that guy she's dating from the CBS show NEVER appeared on her show). Is it ironic considering what she signed up for? Yes, but should her attempts at building an empire (boring as it may be) be illegal? Nah.

    Everything else, I'm with ya sista!

  11. i love these lists!

    i can't stand it when i see someone get on the bus through the back door and just sit down like the bus is their personal car or something. how can people just steal a ride like that and think it's ok?!

  12. last week I biked to the gym, had an awesome workout, and was psyched to bike home, only to discover that somehow my chain had come off while on the bike rack (hmmm?). I picked that thing up and walked it to the bus stop where the nice driver let me on for free (didn't think I'd be needing my CTA card, so I didn't have it w/me). sometimes shit happens and you have no other option than to ask for a free ride...

  13. Yeah, Berryfine, I don't know WHAT it is about LC that I am so turned off about. I love Whitney, and she's drama-free and perhaps a bit boring, but I feel like she has that "something." The fact that LC can put author and fashion designer on her resume kind of kills me! But you're right, I do give her props for keeping her relationship private...who's the dude, Kyle Howard??

    Haha, MA, I hate that too! I always wanted to try it though to see if I could get away with it. Don't think I have the guts!

    Very true, MLA, sometimes, shit does happen. (And that totally sucks what happened to you! ahhh) But what I'm talking about is totally different. Sooo many people get on the bus knowing they don't have money on their metro card, and they turn it every which way and look at it funny and keep swiping it in hopes that *poof* money will appear on their card. When I realize I don't have money on my card or in my wallet, I get off the bus!