1. A grandmother getting jiggy with her grandson. When I read about this story online, all I could think was, Please don't be from Kentucky, please don't be from Kentucky! Phew, Indiana.
2. Cell phones in yoga class. You know from this post what a competitive yogi I can be. It takes me a LONG time to finally relax and reach a place of zen, so when a cell phone goes off in the middle of class, I want to beat a bitch UP. Especially when the owner just keeps letting it ring and ring because they're too embarrassed to claim it.
3. Lauren Conrad. She's a cute girl with a cute style. PERIOD. There is nothing more here. Nothing. Why does she have an "empire" built around her name? Every time I read an interview she's done, I just want to cry. She's so terribly boring, and every sentence out of her mouth is a cliche worse than the one before.
4. PDA. I saw a teenage couple swapping spit at a restaurant with their entire family there at the table. It was disgusting. And they were so SERIOUS about it—looking into each other's eyes and shit. Honey, you know he did the same thing the night before with your best friend, right?
5. College grads who get jobs right after school. A recent Columbia grad told me she's starting a marketing job with American Express in August. I wanted to STRANGLE her. It took me over a YEAR to land my first job out of school, and now, well, we all know what my situation is...
6. Celebs who renew their vows...over...and over. Mariah and Nick, Tori and Dean...just stop it. The only thing this proves is that you're total media whores.
7. Not paying the bus fare. It drives me CRAZY when someone steps on the bus knowing full well they don't have a cent on their metro card or in their wallet. Yet, they keep swiping their metro card with a confused looked, as if they just don't understand why it's not working. Then finally the driver gets fed up and lets them sit down. That is a FREE bus ride, and I consider that to be stealing. Stealing is illegal.
8. For someone to spill your coffee on the floor...and then offer you a SIP of his. This happened to me the other day. Yes, the dude offered me a sip of his coffee. No thanks, you toothless bastard. You can practically catch an STD from just looking at someone these days—I'm not going to chance it. Not even for coffee.
9. Canceling plans on someone AN HOUR before you're supposed to meet. Don't do this. It's not cool. It's selfish. Especially in New York where it can take almost an hour to get somewhere!
10. Recording a song if you don't in fact have ANY musical abilities. Luann, are you serious? Momma, I know you're going through a hard time and you want to be all cool and hippity hop, but this is not good for your image. At all.
So tell me: Do you agree with anything on this list? What else should be illegal??