Check it check it OUTTTT!

CLICK HERE: WWW.FIREDNFABULOUS.COM (!!!!)

I'VE MOVED!

Don't worry, I'm not going far. Fired 'n' Fabulous has a new home, that's all. Check it out HERE! So update your URLs, and keep hittin' me with some blog L-O-V-E!

P.S. My first NYC moving experience looked scarily similar to this pic, only a hippie van that reeked of pot was involved. But this blog transition will be MUCH smoother—can't wait to see you on the new site!

xoxo

Ellen

Characters at the Gym: Take 3

Happy Tuesday, guys! I was in a fluster earlier dealing with a tax payment issue (arrrghh!), but luckily I saw a few characters at the gym this am who provided me with some bloggin' inspiration. Phew! Here's who I spotted:

1. Xena Chin-Boob Warrior Princess: Homegirl is JACKED and wears two sports bras to support her DD breasts, which are pushed up to her chin and hit her in the face every time she jumps up and down. Which is a lot. Her workouts seem pretty hardcore, just like her. Sometimes I catch myself staring and trying to memorize the moves her trainer is teaching her. (Does anyone remember the episode from Will & Grace when Debra Messing does this? It's hilarious!)


2. Elliptical dude. Every time I see him, he is either on the elliptical pretending to exercise or WALKING on the treadmill. Man UP, guy. It's summertime. Which means no shirt on the beach time. Which means it would be in your best interest to RUN off that beer gut you've been rocking for better part of your adult life if you plan on getting laid at all...or ever, that is.

3. Show-me-yours-and-I-won't-show-you-mine yoga teacher. So today we had a sub and she totally sucked ASS. She walked around sipping on her small coffee for like half the class (isn't it ice cold at that point?) and talked us through most of the poses. And when she decided to demonstrate something, she was just terrible. Her heels were like three inches from the floor in downward facing dog, and she barely bent her knees for chair pose and Warrior I and II. Umm yeah it burns...that's kind of the POINT.

Tell me: Have you encountered any of the characters at the gym? Who have you seen lately??

What kind of candy makes you feel like a kid again?

My boyfriend doesn't get a chance to make it back to London often, so whenever I see something in New York that reminds him a little bit of home, I get waaay excited about it. Take this English candy for example. I spotted it yesterday at Java Joe, the cutest little coffe/tea shop in Park Slope, and insisted that we buy some. (OK, so maybe part of me just wanted an excuse to eat candy, but that's besides the point.)

Doesn't it look kinda funny? Yummy nonetheless. Ohh and on the back of one of the packages there is a little reminder to go to the dentist, which is just pretty ironic since English people aren't exactly known for their pretty chompers! (Sorry hun!)

The licorice was my fave. And look how cute it is!

So in this post I wrote the food diary of my life, and my candy diary would look something like this:

Three Musketeers: Remember this Halloween costume? We were pretty much forced to like this candy from a young age. I actually like it more as an adult 'cause it's chewy and low in calories!

Mini Reeses Cups: These make me think of my obsessive/psychotic/totally unhealthy crush I had on my friend Ross all through elementary school. Every Friday after school a group of girls and boys would walk to Wheeler's to get candy (on opposite sides of the street, of course.) I always got a handful of my favorite chocolate/PB treat as I plotted ways to flirt with R. I'm sure I looked totally hottt with brown sticky stuff smeared all over my mouth!

Sour Patch Kids and Fireballs: At 10 years-old the biggest way I could think to rebel a little was with candy. Pretty crazy huh? So I'd stuff as many SPK and Fireballs into my mouth as I could stand. When I got bored with that, I moved on to...

Big-as-your-fist jawbreakers: I got these after swim meets at Cracker Barrel, and I'd lick them so hard and fast that my tongue would start bleeding, which obviously I thought was way rad.

Twizzlers and Peppermint Patties: In high school my pal Lalla and I ate these like nobody's business. No.body's.BUSINESS. It's pretty much all we ate, except for the days hours when we decided we were following the Cabbage Soup or Atkins diet.

Candy corn "Autumn Mix": So now as an adult, I get ridiculously excited for this bag of sugar crack that hits drugstores for about a month or two every fall. I just love biting off the tops of the pumpkins--someone else does this, I just KNOW it!

Tell me friends: What would your candy diary be? What kinds make you feel like a kid again?

Jobs that pay the bills vs. Jobs you're passionate about

The jobs I do only for the sake of having money to pay rent and bills are: My PT-job, babysitting, fashion closet biotch, styling assistant biotch and odd jobs like this. Sometimes the fashion work enters into the jobs-I-enjoy category because it gives me the opportunity to network and meet interesting people, which of course is always a bonus.

The two jobs I'm most passionate about are reporting (celebs, real-life people, experts, anyone) and blogging. I get paid for all of my reporting jobs, so if I could just get more consistent work, I'd be good to GO. But as we know, I don't get paid to blog, which for now is fine because I truly do love it. I'm not going to lose hope (at least not yet!) that one day I will make a little cheese blogging, whether it's for myself or another publication. I just love how it allows me to write in a personal, informal voice--it really gives me a unique sense of satisfaction. Honestly, I never thought I'd like blogging this much when I first started--now I'm addicted!

But when do I just cut the bullshit and start getting REAL? Sure, doing work that adds color to your life is important, but sometimes I wonder if what I'm chasing after is even worth it. Should I focus less on the dream and more on finding a FT j-o-b? I just don't know.

And isn't it interesting that people seem to be more obsessed than ever to find a job they are passionate about? What happened to just putting your nose down and working hard at something? I guess it's people like ME who have totally messed up that idea!

Tell me: What are your thoughts on this subject--Is finding a job you love overrated? Are you passionate about your work?

NYC Marketing Tactics at Its Finest

Friday night my bf and I planned to try a new Mexican restaurant on the Lower East Side, Casa Mezcal, but since they aren't serving their full dinner menu until later in the month, we decided to wait and go somewhere else. (Sidenote: There are enough Mexican restaurants on the LES as it is. Someone should open a new Italian restaurant in that 'hood and see what happens. Money maker fo' sho'!)

So we strolled around and came across Los Feliz, the place I had my 29th b-day party :) This was the last time I had eaten there, and even though I was so-so about the ceviche, we decided to give it another try.

This sign was the deciding factor--it definitely got my attention! I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch (I usually always have a late afternoon snack), so I totally chowed down on the chips and guac--it was so yummy. Thank goodness the entrees were small!

I got the chicken quesadillas. Purty, huh?

Bf got the chorizo con rajas tacos. I don't know what that green/orange concoction is. I'm surprised he didn't try it actually--he's much more adventurous with food than I am!

And when we left, I noticed the other side of the sign. Nice. The next time Dina Lohan gives me the "Everyone's picking on Lindsay/She just wants to work" speech (and she has), I will laugh in her face. Oh fine, no I won't. I'll probably just get her talking about dating and STDs again.

Isn't it funny how a simple as a sign can make you want to try something? (Ohh and remember this one I saw in Chinatown?!) Have you ever tried a restaurant or bought something totally random based on the marketing/advertising for it?

What motivates you to get your ass outta bed to workout?

I went through a period where the only thing that motivated me to get out of bed at 6am (sometimes earlier! eek) to workout was FOOD. If I get up, then I can EAT. So I'd sluggishly walk to the kitchen for handfuls of Kashi Go Lean cereal, spoonfuls of peanut butter and anything else that looked good. OK, so this was a problem for a couple reasons. Even though I had already eaten more than a sufficient amount of calories for breakfast pre-workout, I'd still want to sit down for my real meal afterwards. (Double the calories, double the tummy rolls. No thank you!) And of course this little snacking habit was not economical; I can't even remember the last time I bought Kashi cereal--that shit is EXPENSIVE. But, I think I have found a solution to this problem.

So you know when your alarm goes off, but you're so tired that you think that beeping noise is just in your dreams? Well that happened to me on Friday at 5:30am. I seriously could not figure out for the life of me where the noise was coming from--all I knew is that I wanted it to stop. After what seemed like ten minutes later, I finally snapped out of it and turned off my alarm. My head felt cloudy (no I was not hungover) and my whole body was just exhausted, but since I hadn't exercised much all week, I knew I needed to do something.

And something I did. I told myself I'd just go for a walk and see what happens, in the hopes that I'd eventually start running. Well I took off down Fifth Avenue and ten blocks later I was still walking. Another ten blocks, walking. I just didn't have it in me to run. Sometimes you just gotta push through and DO IT, but my body seriously felt incapable of any sort of strenuous activity. I always kinda thought it was BS when yoga teachers said to "listen to your body" and rest when you need it--I mean, who really wants hold a side plank or full wheel for 60 seconds? (Acutally, I'm kind of the bomb at both poses, but you know what I mean.) But, I think there's something to that--you need to know what to push yourself and when to back off.

So now I've learned that it doesn't have to be all or nothing when it comes to working out. I just need to get my ass UP, and taking the pressure off myself to go balls to the wall (yes I said it) every time I lace up my sneakers will help me do just that. And actually, I think the walk on Friday was just what I needed because my run this am was awesome! (Hello sweaty Ellen! Well, that pic is a helluva lot better than this one. Whoa.)

So tell me: What motivates you to get outta bed to workout when you're really not feeling it? Any tips or tricks to share?

Photo Shoot Friday: Keepin' it Sexzy in Southampton

Oh.my.LAWD you guys--I'm so sorry for the delay! I'm working at the Women's Health office today helping the fashion gals prep for a shoot and we have been going nonstop. (Summer Fridays WHAT?!) And yeah, I fell asleep on the couch at 10pm last night, which explains my poor planning. Ugh! So here's the deal--I wanna get the heck up on outta here, so I'm going to do today's PSF captions in five words or less. Cool?

You already know that my Southampton vacay started with a super-sexy grocery store stop. THEN, we headed to our cute French-style cottage.

How adorbs is this?

Backyard bliss

Collis girls man the grill

Trying 2 B healthy

Michelle's super-yummy deviled eggs

Tiff's infamous strawberry salad

Girl-on-girl CORN PORN

Rocky+Sophie= Pooch babies?

Cheap vodka=High school flashback

S'mores all day every day

WILL BIKE 4 BEER!

Beach time!

Nice ass, coordinating suits FAIL

GRAPE PORN!

Dinner.Boathouse.East Hampton

Pretty shiny hair Tiff

TROUBLE

Watermelon PORN

Bling bling--Congrats, Linds!

1,2,3 SOBER FACE!

4,5,6 SERIOUS FACE!

SHOTS!!!

BOTTOMS UP!

So, are we thinking this is the best PSF yet? Heck yeah it is! I wanna go baaaack! When's the last time you went on a trip with the girlz/boyz?

I'M GREAT! I CAN DO ANYTHING GOOD.

Holy cow, this chick is awesome. These daily affirmations must do wonders for her self-esteem. Among the things she LIKES:

School.Dog.Cousins.Aunts.Mom.Sisters.Hair.Haircuts.PJs.MY STUFF.Myhouse.

It's nice to remind yourself of all your blessings—big and small. Mine:

BIG: Family, Friends, BF, Health

SMALL: Extra-hot lattes, FREE soup, Ice cream, Hangovers sans headaches, Air conditioners that WORK, mani/pedis, Ethan Hawke, Matt Damon, $5 Footlongs.

Oh, and MY STUFF. Duh. And don't you just love that over half my list is food-related? Yep, sounds about right.

Tell me: What are you grateful for?

Teen Hobags

Hobag. Wow, I haven't said that word in years! It's kinda funny...hobag. An.Y.way. When I read this article yesterday that stated more than 40 percent of U.S. teens are doing the dirty dirty, I wanted to vomit. But, I can't say that I'm surprised. 

With role models like Miley Cyrus out there, how's a young girl to know that putting half-naked pics all over the internet really is NOT OK? (Miley, I love you, but c'mon girl.) I'll tell you how: Mothers. This is where YOU step in. Instead of encouraging your daughters to have boyfriends at the age of 11 (no, it's not cute), put the smack down on them when they want to call boys and go on movie dates like my mom did. (Sure, every guy in middle school through college thought I was a prude, but that's better than the alternative.) 

Actually, the other day at the grocery store, I witnessed a mom showing her six(ish)-year old daughter how to send a text message. Ewww, she's going to be sexting by the time she's nine—what the crap lady?! This is how it starts! And she was singing along to "I Kissed a Girl." OK, so I didn't have my first lesbian fantasy until just last year—this girl is going to be way ahead of me. I suppose most young girls are these days. Sad. 

Tell me: Does it surprise you that almost half of teens today are gettin' busy? What rules did your parents give you when you were younger? I loved the "No watching Dirty Dancing" rule—we always found ways to watch it at sleepovers!

The Humpy Dance is your chance, do the HUMP!

Well, that little ditty would be totally random if it wasn't in fact HUMP DAY. (Gotta love those long weekends, right?!) Actually, well, it's almost over. I had every intention of getting this post up sooner, but a serious case of writer's block prolonged an assignment I was working on earlier, so here we are. 

(What's this dude UP to these days anyway?)

So let's play a little get-to-know-you game. The blog is always me me me—crying, whining, overeating, ranting, falling asleep at bars—and quite frankly I'm getting a little bored with myself. I want to hear from YOU every once in a while. In TWO words or less, answer these short questions. Por ejemplo:

Fave nail polish: Navy

First kiss: Bobby Gordon

Fave alcoholic bev: vodka

Fave non-alcoholic bev: coffee

What are you doing right this second: Biting nails

Yoga or pilates: Yoga, duh

Pet peeve: Smarty pants

BBQ or Sour cream flavor: Tie! 

Bagels: Nope

Fave accent: British

Who makes you LOL: brother

Fave summertime footwear: wedges

Something you lack: willpower

Ice cream: PB chocolate

Childhood hero: Summer Sanders

Breakfast this am: Naan

YOUR TURN! I DARE someone who's never commented before to just do it! C'mon! Please?

Are you a good wingwoman? (or man)

I've always considered myself to be an excellent wingwoman—up for anything (especially the unnecessary ONE more drink at 4am), and I always follow girl code. If a friend calls "dibs" on a guy, not only will I back off, but I will think of a clever way to get the two of them talking. (Well, that was more pertinent to my single days.) But, over Memorial Day weekend, I was the worst wingwoman EVER. Most of the girls in our group were single, so I wanted to prove that I could hang with 'em and be the life of the party just as I typically am—er—used to be. 

Saturday night we went to a fun seafood restaurant, The Boathouse, in East Hampton. And even though I was feeling quite boozy before I ate, I was stone cold sober after dinner was over. (I blame it on the bread basket and two huge pieces of cheesecake our waiter gave us for FREE.) Even so, I was bound and determined to snap with it and get my party on! Or not. Ten minutes into our car ride home, I fell asleep. Once we got back to our house, I pepped up just enough to eat a s'mores (or three) and went to bed. LAME. I'll save you the long, boring story, but Sunday night was much of the same. I feel asleep AT.THE.BAR. in the middle of a drinking game. Yeah, I can't wait to see those pics! (Girls, don't think I'm naive enough not to know that you pounced on that photo op!)

Friends, this is my formal apology. I swear never to be such a lame wingwoman ever again. Next time I'm out, I'm totally going to be Cameron Diaz in The Sweetest Thing. (Love that movie—I also referenced it here.) Well, she ends up falling in love with the dude she tries to hook Selma Blair up with, but that's besides the point. She's super-fun and her intentions were good. 

And even though Dumb and Dumber is one of my all-time favorite movies, I don't know if I'd want Harry or Lloyd to be my wingman if I was a dude. They are hilarious as hell, but both screw each other over royally for a girl. (How funny is it when Lloyd does this to Harry?) Hey, not that I really blame them though—Lauren Holly is way hottt. 

So tell me: Are you a good wingwoman/man? What are the Do's and Don'ts when you're out with friends? And what celeb would you want as a your wing-person?

Modern Day Dating

Get a group of seven girls in a house drinking vino nonstop (in my case, vodka) for a few days and what will they be talking about? Boys. Dating. Relationships. One conversation that came up is how couples these days seem to be very concerned with taking certain STEPS in their relationship. Like, moving in together, then buying a dog together, then...I don't know, what comes after that? And from this post, you know how I feel about cohabitation. Sure, that might be the right step for a couple to take, and that's great. But what about the people who do it...just because?

I guess what I don't understand is why it seems as though a lot of couples define the seriousness of their relationship by these things. Just the other day a girl was hitting on my boyfriend (you know how much I like that!), and she was being so aggressive that eventually he told her about moi. So then she started asking questions to determine the seriousness of our relationship. When he told her we weren't living together, her response was: "Ohh realllly? Why NOT?!" (Back off, bitch!) Hmm, I guess dating for over four years doesn't mean as much if you're not living together? Interesting.

There's more of a focus these days on always looking ahead to what the next step is, and then deciding what that step MEANS. What happened to the good ol' days where you dated someone, fell in love and got married? What's up with all this complicated shit in between? It really shouldn't be so hard, and every last little thing really doesn't need to be analyzed. Like, if the dude you're dating gets you a toothbrush to keep at his place, it might just be because he's sick of your funky morning breath, not because he's ready to take a STEP in the relationship. Lord, I could go on and on about this topic! But I won't.

Ok, and sidenote: I am fully aware that my Google images are getting more random by the week. (My friend Joyann always thinks they are so hilarious!) An.Y.way...

Tell me: Do you agree or disagree with me on this one? Am I too old-fashion in my way of thinking?