Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Modern Day Dating

Get a group of seven girls in a house drinking vino nonstop (in my case, vodka) for a few days and what will they be talking about? Boys. Dating. Relationships. One conversation that came up is how couples these days seem to be very concerned with taking certain STEPS in their relationship. Like, moving in together, then buying a dog together, then...I don't know, what comes after that? And from this post, you know how I feel about cohabitation. Sure, that might be the right step for a couple to take, and that's great. But what about the people who do it...just because?

I guess what I don't understand is why it seems as though a lot of couples define the seriousness of their relationship by these things. Just the other day a girl was hitting on my boyfriend (you know how much I like that!), and she was being so aggressive that eventually he told her about moi. So then she started asking questions to determine the seriousness of our relationship. When he told her we weren't living together, her response was: "Ohh realllly? Why NOT?!" (Back off, bitch!) Hmm, I guess dating for over four years doesn't mean as much if you're not living together? Interesting.

There's more of a focus these days on always looking ahead to what the next step is, and then deciding what that step MEANS. What happened to the good ol' days where you dated someone, fell in love and got married? What's up with all this complicated shit in between? It really shouldn't be so hard, and every last little thing really doesn't need to be analyzed. Like, if the dude you're dating gets you a toothbrush to keep at his place, it might just be because he's sick of your funky morning breath, not because he's ready to take a STEP in the relationship. Lord, I could go on and on about this topic! But I won't.

Ok, and sidenote: I am fully aware that my Google images are getting more random by the week. (My friend Joyann always thinks they are so hilarious!) An.Y.way...

Tell me: Do you agree or disagree with me on this one? Am I too old-fashion in my way of thinking?


  1. Ellen I'm on the same page with you. I'm just as old fashined as you, and cohabitation is not for me. And I think a lot of such things uneccesarily complicate a relationship that is NOT a marriage, and therefor IF it falls apart can more resemble a divorce than a break up. i will admit that i've been guilty of reading too much into things (usally negatively) but i try to keep myself in check if only to save my sanity. modern day dating is a mess. bleh!

  2. Haha glad you enjoyed South hampton! It's so beautiful there. I agree, this whole "it's not serious until marraige thing" is a weird trend. I've had so many engaged guys say that to me lately while hitting on me. Ugh no thanks!

    I try not to overanalyze relationships too much, it's hard sometimes when your friends are saying "why haven't you done this or that yet" ahhh stress :)

  3. I hate how a lot of relationships in college are: backwards. You get drunk, sleep with them, then maybe become official. Um, yeah this doesn't work for me.

  4. I so feel you on this one...I'm at the 3.5 year mark with my b.f. and we do not live together. Everyone finds it bizarre that we choose not to move in together and that we want to do things the old-fashioned way and actually wait until we get married to get a place together. I think all these new relationship "steps" that we have really just make it harder...plus, I always think if you do the moving in together thing before being engaged/married, there is nothing new to look forward to when you actually take that final "big" step. I want marriage to feel different than dating!

  5. I like to test drive a car before I buy it! Moving in together doesn't have to be a big deal unless you make it one. It is also way cheaper to split rent than to try and go it alone. I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but moving in with my now wife was the best thing I ever did. We even saved up and bought a house before we were officially married. "Marriage" is just a word. We we commited to eachother for years before we got married.

  6. Well, I think we all have over analyzed a relationship, Nadette! Especially in our younger years when you're still learning...

    Whoa, Jennyinnewyork! NOT.COOL. And THAT is why dating is so hard...esp in NYC! ughhh

    Haha, GMTAB...dating is college is totally ass backwards, it's ridiculous! The only thing it did was show me what I DIDN'T want in a guy.

    Glad I'm not the only one, Lisa! Sometimes I feel so out of the loop with my old school way of thinking. I'm with you though, I want it to be something to look forward to!

    G-Dub, I agree, cohabitation doesn't have to be a big deal.It would be a big step for me, but I realize everyone is different. I just think a lot of people don't always do it for the right reasons. Most of my closest married friends lived with their spouse before they got married, and they all have great relationships. SO, I'm not dissing it, it's just not for me...at least not YET. I will say though, I have never understood the "test driving" theory. So many people say that, but are you really not going to marry someone because they fart in their sleep or leave wet towels on the bathroom floor? (I'm guessing most people would know about those little quirks before marriage anyway.) Or even if something more serious comes up, like financial issues...if you're with the right person and the foundation is there, you can work through anything.

  7. I think there is something to be said for living together before marriage, just for the sake of knowing what to expect and making for a more smooth transition. But, at the same time, I just don't think living together before marriage is for me. I think that is part of what makes marriage so special. Plus, if you are already living together, what is the incentive of marriage?

  8. Haha...I have to add to G's comment. Our big "moving-in" talk, in its entirety, went:

    K: I need to find an apartment. Are you living with me?
    G: Sure. As long as it's somewhere close to Princeton Junction.

    Seriously though...the "test drive" isn't to find out about little quirks or bad habits. It's to find out if you can be in each other's space 24/7. We have friends who say their first year of marriage was hell because they spent the whole time trying to adjust to the cohab...whereas we just got to enjoy being newlyweds. Getting married was still special to us, even if we'd already been roommates for a few years.

  9. P.S. Not saying EVERYONE needs to move in together, just saying that it has its benefits!

  10. Stick by your guns elle... I love that you have such strong feelings about it. Not living together makes living together after marriage even more precious!

  11. I'm glad you gave that explanation, Kara bc honestly I just never understood what the whole test driving thing was about. That makes more sense. I do like having my own space and alone time, so living with someone (whenever that happens!) should be QUITE interesting!

    Thanks, Aim, I really do. It's hard to say what will end up happening, but I guess I'm going to keep doing what makes sense for me at the time! We shall see...

  12. Girls hit on...guys? How come no one ever...ohhhhh...right...my extreme ugliness and all.

    Actually, I did have a girl hit on me once in a bar. She flirted for a few minutes and I was shocked and delighted. After maybe 3 minutes, she asked, "What are you drinking?"
    I said, "Oh, just water."
    "Aren't you drinking Bacardi?" she asked.
    "Uh...no, just water," I said.
    "You should totally get a Bacardi," she replied. I finally was catching on that she was working for Bacardi, coming on to men and trying to get them to buy Bacardi. So that was that. I hung around hoping a Yoo-Hoo salesgirl might be around, but no dice.

  13. Haha! I love this post! I know exactly where you are coming from. Several times when my husband were dating people would ask how serious the relationship was. We'd always think of silly answers like "Well..I just added him to my blockbuster account, So its pretty darn serious."

  14. I so love this post, and get where you are coming from! One of my friends believes the relationship is at the "next level" when the relationship goes live on facebook.. crazy what things have come to!


  15. steps definitely just add pressure and more reason for our crazy brains to be like "why isn't this happening? i read in cosmo this should happen. he must hate me. he must be using me for something. i need to push him away and then see if he really loves me" and then it's just a horrible downward spiral.

    even though i shouldn't be, i am totally shocked that a girl would actually ask your boyfriend how serious you were-as if he would be like, "oh well not that serious, want to go to the coat closet?" ew. but i have to say i LOVE sherron's blockbuster comment, i want to use that one day!

  16. Shoot, if I can get a boy to call himself my BOYFRIEND, I consider it a total victory...it would probably take a diamond ring for me to really believe he was serious about mah crazy ass haha :)

  17. Scoooottt, you seem too cool to be so self-deprecating. Not that I can really talk, I am all the time. But yeah, I know what you mean...a cocktail waitress recently FORCED a guy to buy me a shot and it was extremely awkward.

    Love it, Sheron! I might have to steal that one, too :)

    Seriously, Fashion Meets Food! I recently put up a profile pic of me and my bf for the first time and joked that we were taking a "serious step." Facebook is NOT something to be taken lightly ;)

    Actually, that is the SECOND girl that has questioned the seriousness of our relationship recently. It's proof that girls can be just as shady as boys!

    Haha, I hear ya Slightly Undone...it took me quite a while before I found someone who would use the "B" word.

  18. I completely agree with you. At this point in my life I avoid serious relationships, but when I do I don't plan on living with the other person until we're at least engaged, although I think it'd be more fun to wait until you're married. To each his own though, but I totally feel where you're coming from. Oh + what a skank, trying to hit on your bf even after he told her about you, some chicks are beyond desperate.