Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Characters at the Gym: Take 3

Happy Tuesday, guys! I was in a fluster earlier dealing with a tax payment issue (arrrghh!), but luckily I saw a few characters at the gym this am who provided me with some bloggin' inspiration. Phew! Here's who I spotted:

1. Xena Chin-Boob Warrior Princess: Homegirl is JACKED and wears two sports bras to support her DD breasts, which are pushed up to her chin and hit her in the face every time she jumps up and down. Which is a lot. Her workouts seem pretty hardcore, just like her. Sometimes I catch myself staring and trying to memorize the moves her trainer is teaching her. (Does anyone remember the episode from Will & Grace when Debra Messing does this? It's hilarious!)

2. Elliptical dude. Every time I see him, he is either on the elliptical pretending to exercise or WALKING on the treadmill. Man UP, guy. It's summertime. Which means no shirt on the beach time. Which means it would be in your best interest to RUN off that beer gut you've been rocking for better part of your adult life if you plan on getting laid at all...or ever, that is.

3. Show-me-yours-and-I-won't-show-you-mine yoga teacher. So today we had a sub and she totally sucked ASS. She walked around sipping on her small coffee for like half the class (isn't it ice cold at that point?) and talked us through most of the poses. And when she decided to demonstrate something, she was just terrible. Her heels were like three inches from the floor in downward facing dog, and she barely bent her knees for chair pose and Warrior I and II. Umm yeah it burns...that's kind of the POINT.

Tell me: Have you encountered any of the characters at the gym? Who have you seen lately??


  1. there's this woman who HAS big ass boobs. (not d, maybe C) and she never wears a bra. adn yOU CAN TELL. she struts (she's like 45?!) in front of my male coworkers who...gag.

    pink earbuds: this dude is the dude that checked out the "dip belt'. he mad dogs seth all the time, walks aroun din 95$ nikes, doesn't squat ass to grass (more like your chair pose teacher) and has a stopwatch around his neck, flavah flay style. UGH.

    gazelle: this girl stretches that almost shows her cookies, and then runs with arms whipping around LEAPING AND BOUNDING like a gazelle...and then latches on to the treadmill and tries to run. i can't understand it.

  2. Well....I'm kinda like that Xena chick minus the boobs. I lost the boobs years ago when I dropped weight.

    Goodbye D's forever!

    I see the same people EVERYDAY on the same equipment, same amount of effort and time. Good Grief...how boring that must be!!!

    Shake it up people...

  3. Bolshoi Yoga Chick: What about the chick who has to execute every yoga move as if she was being choreographered in some kind of imaginary interpretive dance number going on in her head. This isn't the Bolshoi lady it's friggin saturday morning yoga!

  4. The couple, who must be side by side throughout all work out activities. If only one elliptical or stair-stepper is free, the subservient gf/wife will stand next to until one is free because she can't possibly be more than five feet away from her beloved. SO annoying!

    I've also seen attention-whore dude. The ones that pace back and forth flexing in front of where you're working out, desperately begging for attention.

  5. Would love a little of Xena's you know whatis. I was an "early developer", biggest girl in my class in 7th grade then never grew anymore. In the chest, that is. Although, sadly, I'm so big now I've gone up a cup size.

    Haven't been to a gym in ages, I'm sorry to say. Must go, have one where I live, for God's sake!

    That Yoga teacher sucked. She should be fired. Even I can do a downward dog w/ heels to floor, and that's saying a lot. Man, you reminded me how much better I feel when I'm doing Yoga.

    My favorite gym sight is (you will get this because you are from KY) these women I call "the Goochland girls". Goochland County is a rural area outside of Richmond. These girls do everything in unison. They have rock hard bods, and bad haircuts and bad hair color, which no doubt until about 2 years ago was probably permed. They wouldn't be caught dead at the gym without their makeup & their workout clothes match, down to the very white ankle length socks. Oh, and they are tan all 'year round. I'm sure you've seen them. Probably not in Manhattan, but surely when you're home...
    xoxo Julie

  6. Just found your blog and I think you are hilarious. As someone who really wants to leave her job to be a freelance writer, I admire you for doing what you love!

    As far as the gym goes, there is this super annoying L.A. type lady who comes into the gym in my building and blasts her ipod on one of those speakers. Apparently she thinks we all want to enjoy Maxwell while we elliptical away?

  7. Haha! Fun post. I'm gonna start observing more characters from tomorrow. I know an elliptical dude too :) fun post