Thursday, April 15, 2010

Online Dating

Have you done it? Are you currently doing it? Would you admit it if you were? I have a boyfriend, so it's easy for me to say Ohh, no, that's something I'd never do, but the truth is, I'd probably give online dating a try if I was single. I mean, hello, remember the NYC tools I mentioned in this post? It's hard to meet people in this city (or anywhere for that matter) that you truly click with, so why not?

Yesterday I met Laurie, the founder of for coffee. (Remember these FnF stickers I was putting in bathrooms all over NYC? That's how she found me!) Basically, eFlirt consults people in their online dating ventures, (everything from how to write your profile bio to finding the right person for you) and helps them navigate their way around a seemingly overwhelming world on the web. The company has been getting tons of media buzz recently, and that's because people need HELP.

I asked Laurie a million questions, but one of the most interesting things she told me is that choosing the right dating site for YOU is crucial. (I had no idea it mattered--did you?) Although there are literally hundreds and each vary from city to city, she gave me a few examples for NYC: This is a more creative, edgy crowd. You might find a VH1 producer, a broadway babe or a zen accupuncturist surfing the site. Some of these singles are looking for relationships and others want to casually date. Has a mix of people from those who want a committed relationship to the just-want-to-have-fun singles. You'll find a more business-minded crowd here: finance executives, entrepreneurs, sales professionals and marketing coordinators. and Are less about a specific lifestyle or personality and more about singles seeking a serious commitment. You need to be a patient dater since your matches are given to you (no searching allowed), and your communication patterns are more lengthy.

Well, you're in luck single ladies and gents! Laurie has offered any FnF reader a FREE analysis on how to get started with this whole online dating thang. Just shoot me an email and I'll put you in touch with her! And please, don't be shy. I won't judge. AND every Wednesday Laurie gives FREE flirting advice at a random bar in Manhattan. Follow her on Twitter @eFlirtexpert for the locations each week!

So tell me: What are your thoughts about online dating? Does anyone have any stories to share?! SPILL.IT.


  1. OMG, if I were single, I'd totally do it. It's like online shopping...for a boyfriend.

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  3. I'm on OK Cupid but I'm so lazy right now, I never respond to anyone. I should start. I'm just still not 100 percent sure about the online thing. It does make total sense though and everyone does it. All my guy friends are gay and that's who I usually go out with so I never meet any straight guys. Maybe today I'll actually respond to some emails :)

  4. i don't know if I could ever actually mentally get past the idea of online dating. I like to think I am more open minded than that, but I also like to think that the type of guy I want isn't the type who is gonna resort to the internet for dating! Kind of how I totally respect a guy these days who calls instead of texts. It demonstrates a certain confidence and personal skills that I admire. I'm not gonna lie though...I once made an anonymous OKCupid account out of curiousity. I just wanted to see what kind of characters were on there, and stalk around!! haha

  5. I basically never dated, as my husband and I met in college, but I thought online dating was pretty much what everyone does now. I remember when it was totally accompanied with "don't tell anyone, but..." Not anymore. I have tons of friends who met their current beaus (beaux?) on match or jdate or what have you.

    For me, I kinda AM doing something I'm a tad embarassed about. Internet friend-dating! When I first started my BFF search, I was all "there's no or" Wrong. There's even speed friending. Who knew? So I've been throwing myself into that, with mixed results. (Let's just say I got stood up last week.) Sigh. The wonders of technology.

    Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF

  6. I met my boyfriend on Match and we've been together for over a year. I actually met him on the last day of the 3-day free trial, so I didn't even have to pay for it! Online dating is totally necessary if you're single, especially in NYC.

    P.S. Can't wait to meet you next week!

    Jess @eflirtjillofall

  7. I don't think there's anything wrong with online dating, i'm just not ready to go there until i'm older (hoping it doesnt' come to that, but with my track record...) I have gone speed dating once, and it was a fun experience (I got a great story out of it) but doubt i would do it again. the modern world we live in is fast paced, unforgiving, and not conducive (sp?) to make significant connections with your gender of interest. to each his own, and as long as you realize there's a world outside of cyberspace, do your thing. I'll just stick to looking mean in bars wondering why nobody is buying me drinks, lol--actually that's exactly how i met my Ex...oops..

  8. If my 80-year-old + grandfather can meet his now current wife online (thanks!) anyone can do it!

  9. I think it is an awesome way to throw out a net and meet people! People are ashamed for no reason at all. We have a bunch of married friends that met online who are grouped in the happy couple category.

    I'm with Rachel though. We have totally picked up friends online (through myspace searching locally) and we have been frinds with them for years now. When we first moved to town it was tough to meet people. All of our old friends are at least 1.5 hours away.

  10. I totally met my now husband on MySpace. ;)

  11. Ellen! i absolutely love your blog and read it everyday, not even kidding. i think i am most interested in your blog because you are real. you say what you think and thats what i enjoy. just commenting to tell you that you have many fans in Germany!!

  12. Online dating is very, very different for men than women, I think. Women probably get a lot more messages to sort through to figure out who's a jerk and who's a nice guy, so they can then weed out the nice guys and delete 'em. Ha! Ah, it's funny 'cause it's true. I sure hope it is, anyway...

  13. Internet dating is more than just the actual dating sites. You can make connections through linkedin for professional reasons that develop into more. You can join a meetup group (for those platonic connections) and get a new business contact and a love interest. I think ruling out the internet as a source of personal connections is as foolish as ruling it out as a source of professional connections.
    Putting yourself out there is important if you are looking for a mate or looking for a new client. It's all about inertia - the more people you meet...the more people you meet.

  14. LOL, Kara. Except the return policy might not be as easy :)

    Elizabeth! If you ever want to hang out with non-gays, hit me up. I might know a few fellas for ya :) Or at the very least, I can be your wing woman. Even though I'm not single, I can still hang :)

    Beth, I see what you're saying. I like low-key, confident guys, too, but you just never know who's out there and WHY they are doing it. I know a lot of awesome, "total package" people who are dating online. If you're confident with yourself, it doesn't seem desperate, ya know?

    MWF, don't be embarrassed! Even though I have great friends in the city, I'm always on the hunt for more that I can truly connect with. I think admitting that you want more friends is very brave and I'm sure a lot more people can relate to that than you think!

    Hey Jess! Wow, lucky you! It must feel nice to be a "success story." Ha. It really does happen, people!

    Wow, I'd love to hear THAT story some time, Nadette! Knowing you, it's a total trip :)

    Haha, Ash! Get it Gramps!

    Whoa, Lacey! MySpace? How did you find each other?

    Shelomie! You totally made my day! Fans in Germany? Craaaazy. Love it, love it!

    Hold up, Scott...are you calling yourself a jerk?? ha

    Totally agree, SCS, networking and putting yourself out there is SO important for so many different things, not just dating.

  15. speedfriending sounds intriguing....especially if you are new to a city!!!

    i am with beth...even though i know a lot of people who do it (quite successfully actually) i don't know if i could mentally get over the concept. my supervisor at work has been with her boyfriend for almost 10 years and they met on somehow it just seems very forced because you know both people really want a relationship. but maybe now that these sites, and social networking in general, are more prevalent it's less of a race to find a mate and more relaxed?

    i have always wanted to do speed dating-anyone want to join? it seems like something i could only do with a friend. and maybe a couple of stiff drinks.

    okcupid sounds interesting....would it be horrible to join to network for jobs and/or friends?

  16. Nah, I'm in the weeded-out pile. Hopefully they're weeding out the good guys and dating the jerks. Otherwise I have nothing but my looks to blame! Ha. Ha. Ugh. Although...I suppose it's possible that I'm both unattractive AND a jerk...uh-oh...

  17. Ahh, gotcha, Scott. Ha, well, you seem pretty darn funny, so you've got that going for you!

  18. Hey Guys! Just wanted to chime in.

    Elizabeth: You should start responding! You’re dating online to be proactive about your dating life, right? ;)

    Beth: This is a common misconception. You should read this blog of mine called “Finding Prince Charming”:

    MWFseekingBFF: That’s awesome! I’ll have to start reading to learn more about your adventures.

    Nadette: Online dating IS about having a world beyond cyberspace. It’s just a place to meet matches. If you love things in-person though, you might want to try a mobile app like Urban Signals or Skout.

    Scott Teel: Indeed, it is VERY different for the sexes! For men, check out this blog to give you some guidance: Photos are definitely important - you should take some new ones!

    Mary Allen: You’ll find people looking for relationships and some just to casually date. It depends on the site and the person. I say that dating online is the backwards of meeting in-person. When you meet out, you know that you have chemistry but not that you have a lot in common. Online you know you have a lot in common but not if you’ll have chemistry yet … which is why it’s so important to meet up and find out!