Mariah Carey: Can you spot the levels of fugliness?

Ok, so I had made an executive decision not to do an Oscars fashion post because I knew everyone else would, but this shiteous photo of Mariah Carey keeps popping up everywhere, and I feel compelled to break my silence. Can someone please tell me how a multi-MILLIONAIRE can get it so wrong? It looks like she went shopping at Cache (does anyone remember this store at the mall?) for the biggest night in Hollywood.

I actually feel a little bad ripping into Mariah like this because she's really talented. The girl can sing. I even love her song "Obsessed," which is about my boy Eminem. (And you KNOW from this post how I feel about him.) I also kind of don't hate her husband, Nick Cannon. I interviewed him one time and he was surprisingly cool. (A little toolish, but cool nonetheless.) When I first met him, he complimented the Mr. T chain necklace I was rocking and gave me a fist pound. He was also an open book about pretty much everything, which is every reporter's dream. I mean, he kinda has to be if he wants to stay on anyone's radar, but still. I digress.

For these reasons, I am doing to let you do the rest of the smack talking. Hmm...I spot one, two, three...SEVEN levels of fugliness here. What about you? What's wrong with Mimi's Oscars look?

Golden Globes: Fashion Recap

Who watched the Golden Globes last night? I tuned in, but periodically flipped to Keeping Up With The Kardashians—the dramz sucks me in every time. Anyway, there were lots of fashion hits, and a few misses. Here's a quick red carpet recap:

January Jones looked a bit overdone at first glance, but she ended up being one of my favorites of the night. I loved her dramatic ruffle sleeve and bold red lips. She's just so darn gorgeous, and you know that's saying something coming from me 'cause I don't give props to blondes often.

Sandra Bullock gets my vote for best hair—those side waves are beau-TEE-ful! 

It would be impossible for Marion Cotillard to look bad (and her makeup did look gorge), but I was just so-so about her dress. I like the roman shoulder style, but the high slit and lace slip look underneath isn't really working for me. It's like make a decision: Do you want a short dress or a long one?

Cameron Diaz rocked in red! This is the work of Rachel Zoe I do believe. The sleeves and draping in front is cool and classic. Two thumbs up, Cam.

Christina Hendricks has killller curves and she wasn't afraid to show them off in this Christian Siriano gown. I wanted to love it, but I just don't. Strapless is hard to pull off on most people, and with cha chas like hers, it's even harder. Bonus points for wearing her hair down though!

Mariah Carey never gets it right. Ever. It should be illegal for people with millions in the bank to look so shiteous all the time. Ick.

I've loved Emily Blunt ever since The Devil Wears Prada. I'm digging this blush colored gown—it's not amaaazing, but the fit is good and it looks pretty against her porcelain skin.

I can't say Penelope's Spanish-inspired gown was a favorite, but she's just so beautiful. It's like, kind of ridiculous. And she's married to Javier Bardem. Some bitches have it all, don't they?

So tell me: What were your fashion hits and misses of the night?