Things That Should Be Illegal: Take 3

1. A grandmother getting jiggy with her grandson. When I read about this story online, all I could think was, Please don't be from Kentucky, please don't be from Kentucky! Phew, Indiana.

2. Cell phones in yoga class. You know from this post what a competitive yogi I can be. It takes me a LONG time to finally relax and reach a place of zen, so when a cell phone goes off in the middle of class, I want to beat a bitch UP. Especially when the owner just keeps letting it ring and ring because they're too embarrassed to claim it. 

3. Lauren Conrad. She's a cute girl with a cute style. PERIOD. There is nothing more here. Nothing. Why does she have an "empire" built around her name? Every time I read an interview she's done, I just want to cry. She's so terribly boring, and every sentence out of her mouth is a cliche worse than the one before. 

4. PDA. I saw a teenage couple swapping spit at a restaurant with their entire family there at the table. It was disgusting. And they were so SERIOUS about it—looking into each other's eyes and shit. Honey, you know he did the same thing the night before with your best friend, right? 

5. College grads who get jobs right after school. A recent Columbia grad told me she's starting a marketing job with American Express in August. I wanted to STRANGLE her. It took me over a YEAR to land my first job out of school, and now, well, we all know what my situation is...

6. Celebs who renew their vows...over...and over. Mariah and Nick, Tori and Dean...just stop it. The only thing this proves is that you're total media whores.

7. Not paying the bus fare. It drives me CRAZY when someone steps on the bus knowing full well they don't have a cent on their metro card or in their wallet. Yet, they keep swiping their metro card with a confused looked, as if they just don't understand why it's not working. Then finally the driver gets fed up and lets them sit down. That is a FREE bus ride, and I consider that to be stealing. Stealing is illegal. 

8. For someone to spill your coffee on the floor...and then offer you a SIP of his. This happened to me the other day. Yes, the dude offered me a sip of his coffee. No thanks, you toothless bastard. You can practically catch an STD from just looking at someone these days—I'm not going to chance it. Not even for coffee. 

9. Canceling plans on someone AN HOUR before you're supposed to meet. Don't do this. It's not cool. It's selfish. Especially in New York where it can take almost an hour to get somewhere! 

10. Recording a song if you don't in fact have ANY musical abilities. Luann, are you serious? Momma, I know you're going through a hard time and you want to be all cool and hippity hop, but this is not good for your image. At all.

So tell me: Do you agree with anything on this list? What else should be illegal??

Eating and drinking my way through Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! My boyfriend and I actually celebrated yesterday because I had a few things on my agenda today, and we wanted to spend the love holiday just relaxing all day long. I can sum up it up in four words: Eating, drinking, Mad Men. It was perfect!

My bf went to Whole Foods and stocked up on food and snacks in case we didn't even want to leave his apartment. We started the day with a bowl of Shredded Wheat and Yogi Granola Crisps cereal with berries. It tasted as good as it looked. Yummm.

He also rented season two of Mad Men--we watched at least five episodes. I'm officially hooked! Oh Don Draper, why are you so good at being bad? I want to dislike you, but I can't. P.S. Has anyone seen Zombieland? We turned it off after three minutes, but I'm thinking we should give it another shot.

I didn't have a lot of money to spend on a present, so I made oatmeal cookies and added red and pink M&Ms into the mix. I crushed them with a rolling pin after trying to cut them in half with a knife. Ha, they were flying everywhere!

I used Betty Crocker's oatmeal mix and made them a tad healthier by cutting out 1/4 of the butter and adding more water. They tasted as good as the real thing! I also got my boyfriend a subscription to Film Movement. We like indie films--anyone have some good ones to suggest?

I got my card! Look how pretty it is. I also got lingerie from Victoria's Secret, which I loved, but I will not be featuring it on the blog. If soft porn is what you're after, you'll have to go elsewhere!

It came with a small box of Godiva chocolates. So cute. So yummy.

We finally left the couch for some fresh air and strolled around SoHo. We had planned to make chili, but got back later than expected, so we ordered from one of our favorite staple restaurants, 24 Prince. I got the chopped salad with chicken.

And I snuck bites from my boyfriend's shrimp pasta dish. It was delish!

We drank this nice bottle of champagne (I think the brand has been in a rap song or two) before heading out to meet up with friends.

Pink champers, mmm. I hadn't been out in a while so I was ready to do a little damage. And I did.

We stopped by a friend's party in Murray Hill, and then went to One Oak for bottle service. Now that's something I haven't done in FOREVER! It's fun, but oh so dangerous.

My cousin Amanda and her friend Sarah met up with us. Look how cute they are. Bet ya can't pick out the 29 year-old in this pic! Ha

I wish I had taken more pictures! Usually I'm shoving my camera in everyone's face, but last night I focused more on the vodka. Besides my hangover today, I had an awesome Valentine's Day! I ate a few too many cookies and chocolate (And 3am frozen pizza...and maybe a little ice cream. I'm scared to open the freezer to see the damage!), but I'll get back on track tomorrow.

How was everyone else's day? Hope it was a great one! XOXO

What kind of yogi are you?

I'm the worst kind: Competitive. I know I know, that totally defeats the purpose of yoga. You're supposed to relax, and zone everything out. It's supposed to be a zen-like experience, but honestly for me it rarely is.

This weekend I went to a yoga class for the first time in about two weeks, but I didn't let that stop me from trying to keep up with the girl to my left. She had a long, lean dancer's body with perfectly sculpted arms, and I was bound and determined to take the bitch down.

As far as I could tell at the beginning of class, we were about equal. Her heels touched the ground when she was in downward facing dog, and she did slow, controlled Chaturanga push-ups just like me. Damnit. Instead of really focusing on my breathing and poses, I found myself praying that the teacher would have us do side planks. That's where I'll get her, I thought. And then, we did!

There are many variations of the side plank, but this one is the hardest (at least that I know of). I was a little wobbly as I got into position because I was trying to nonchalantly look out of the corner of my eye to see which variation the skinny bitch was doing. Ha--she just did the normal version, with her legs stacked on top of each other. YESSSS. Now I'm in the lead!

But then, we did the dreaded crow pose. I have a pretty strong upper body, so the fact that I cannot get my knees to rest behind my arms for more than a split second is puzzling to me. The skinny bitch effortlessly sprang her legs up and looked as if she could hold the position all day. Damn.

At this point we were in a tie. I knew that if we did headstands, she would come out the victor. And we did. My headstands are getting a lot better--I don't have the fear of falling like I used to; however, when I slowly start raising my legs higher and higher, I get so excited that I'm actually doing it that I usually end up spazzing out and toppling over. And yep, you guessed it, the skinny bitch aced the headstands too.

I guess the teacher picked up on the little competition I had going on because she told the class, "Don't worry about what the person next to you is doing." Oops. Sorry teach, I just can't help it!

So we ended the class with the full wheel and I did mine standing on one leg. SB did hers normal, so I suppose I beat her there, but at this point I was already feeling defeated.

I know that this is something I need to work on if I want to fully reap the benefits of yoga. Lord knows I need more relaxation and meditation in my life. It's going to be a hard habit to break--you guys remember from this post that I'm even competitive walking up the stairs! But, I'm going to try.

What about you: Are you competitive at the gym? And for all the yogis out there: How would you describe your style?