I remember one of my friends telling me, "But..but...you're going to have to give it up soon!" regarding a guy I dated in college. (Ok, so I don't think she actually said "give it up," but I'm keeping things PG so that my mom and 13 year-old cousin aren't scared to read my blog). I don't know, I've just never had the mentality that I had to put out (yes, I said it) in order to keep a guy interested. Why? Because if he isn't happy with the goods he's getting, then he's not good enough for me--Next!
Ok, so this pic is a little random, but I thought it was cute--even though grandpa's junk is a bit more prominent than necessary. An.y.way. After my current boyfriend and I had been dating a while, he confessed that he liked the fact that I was a challenge, and if hadn't been, he might have placed me in the "girl I just want to have fun with" category instead of the "girl I truly want to get to know better" category. I'm sure there are plenty of guys--and girls--rolling their eyes at this, but I also just read a personal essay on Glamour.com that supports everything I just said--and it was written by a dude. It seems to me that guys don't even know they want a challenge...until they get one.I'm sure there are many girls out there who could tell me stories about how they had porn star sex on the first date with their now husbands or current boyfriends. And to you, I say congrats. I don't think that is the norm, but of course, it does happen. Maybe I'm naive as hell, but this is my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Even so, don't be shy to tell me what you think, you'll never receive judgment here.
So tell me: How long should a girl wait to give up tha booty? Check out the Glamour article here and give me your thoughts on it. Guys, I better hear from you, too!
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The only issue I have with "holding out" is the notion that sex is a tool to be used by women to coerce men into something. I think that sex is something that women should be encouraged to enjoy for their own sakes as well as for their partners (see, "PARTNER" is operative here) rather than as a means to get a guy interested (he will like me more if I put out) keep a guy interested (no bootay until I get a full dinner-date) or to get something they want (no more sex until I get a ring).
ReplyDeleteThat said, you should only have ANY type of intimate contact (I mean beyond that try-out kiss) unless you feel it and think the guy is worthy of it. If you show a guy (or shoot, even tell him) that you enjoy a good romp in the hay, but you aren't going to use it as a means of coercion (to get him, to keep him hanging, or to manipulate him) then he will no doubt find you super-duper sexy but also see you as confident.
Another wrinkle to this is that sometimes you really like a guy, but you just aren't feeling it beyond a good snuggle. If he wants more, and you aren't into it...time to move on so that he can get what he wants, and you can get with someone that makes your toes curl.
Good topic! Lots of meat on those bones.
SCS
I totally agree Shannon, and I can honestly tell you that I don't personally use "holding out" as any form of strategy. I'm kinda weird in the sense that it takes a while for me to open up and get comfortable with someone, whether it be physically or something else like going on a trip together. Taking baby steps comes naturally to me, and I think it has worked in my favor, but that's just me and maybe the type of guys that i attract and that are right for me. Everyone is different!
ReplyDeleteYes! Yet another layer to the topic: true intimacy is something that comes as you get to know someone. If you can't be open with a person and comfortable with them, then a hook-up will be just icky and not good.
ReplyDeleteI suppose another thing to consider about this topic is where you're at with your dating life. Are you happily single or do you want to be in a committed relationship? Are the guys you're hooking up with someone you really like or someone you just want to have fun with? My opinion of "making the guy work for it" really only applies to guys you truly like and want to date. It doesn't need to be so strategic, like, "OK, it's been five dates, I can sleep with him now without him thinking I'm a ho biscuit!" Girls should be mindful of their actions, but not so much to the point where they keep things from progressing naturally. I just think a lot of girls assume they SHOULD be doing certain things--maybe even subconsciously--in order to get a guy. And yes, some girls just like hooking up and there's not a lot of thought that goes into it, and that's fine too. I guess you just have to be prepared that a guy might not respond how you want him to if you pounce his bones too soon. Okk, I'm rambling!!!
ReplyDeleteOhh and one more thing, my friend Sabrina's blog: anewmode.com has a dating column where she has her bf answer real-life dating/relationship Qs. It's always interesting to get the guy's perspective--check it out!
ReplyDeleteI have never heard the phrase Ho biscuit, but love it. I was nervous when I read the intro about where it was headed, but goot post ;) Hope to see you soon.
ReplyDelete"Hold out until it is right for you and you are old/mature enough to handle any of the outcome or consequences of that decision"
Sarah, I totally agree! And you've never heard of the term ho biscuit?? Who else hasn't? It's funny I used the phrase as if it were such a normal, every day term. ha! I hope to see u soon, too--I'll be home over the holidays!!
ReplyDeleteho biscuit hahaha love it.
ReplyDeleteThe less mileage and the more sophistication a girl has, the more likely she is to find a quality man who will make a long-term commitment to her.
ReplyDeleteSee a guy is a conquerer by nature. If he successfully negotiates all a girl's hurdles too quickly, than he instantly becomes captivated by the next more challenging trial that a different girl might represent.
The more a guy has invested in a relationship, the less likely he is to cut ties. People, in general, are all like that so why would relationships be any different? Would you abandon your dog that you paid $1,300 and drove through 4 states for just because it peed on the carpet? I think not. But if it was a stray, Fido might find himself at the pound the next day.
So the key is for a girl to present enough of a challenge to where a guy feels he's met his match, while still being able to hold his interest to where he doesn't just jump ship.
Just because you arent giving it up to a guy doesnt mean you cant talk about it. Talking about how naughty you want to be with him can go a lonnnnng way in keeping his interest. So feel free to be an absolute tramp when it comes to talking on the phone (no vmails or texts, ie tiger) or when youre out in a public place, but always keep the dirty talk in future tense implying there is still work to be done before the play can begin.
Time is the only fool-proof test to learn about what a guy's intentions truly are. Remember ladies, he will never settle for Baltic Ave if he has a chance to own Park Place.
Which one are you?
Funny, I never really thought about this stuff. I think everyone's problem is that they think too much. I wasn't in a rush to put down the "V-Flag", but it turns out I was with someone spectacular on the first go-round. But to stay on point, I made HER wait and I think that it totally worked. I think it made it more interesting to try to get with a guy that was hanging out with her because she was awesome.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting George...making her wait. I agree that some people think about it too much, but I also think it's pretty accurate to say that your actions (ie. hooking up on the first date, etc) can effect a guy's perception of you and what "category" he puts you in. Not all guys, of course, but a lot...
ReplyDelete