I've had a handful of close friends over my lifetime that just stopped being my friend. (And I don't just mean that we lost touch. I've lost touch with people that I'd still consider a friend and vice versa--this is different). There was no call or email with an explanation--it just...happened. A couple of them had issues within themselves that always kinda prevented them from being good friends, so that was easier for me to accept. But there have been others that I took a little more personally. I guess I just think that if you care enough about someone, you'll let them know if they hurt you, even if it's extremely hard to do. I've never done something blatant or intentional to hurt a friend, but I do think there might have been a time or two where something happened that was misinterpreted.I know I'm being incredibly vague here, but honestly, if any of the people I'm thinking of knew I was referring to them, I'd be a little embarrassed. I doubt they ever think about me and wish things were back to how they used to be in the good ol' days. Ouch, my heart is feeling heavy just from writing this. Ohh well, it's good to get it out. Thanks for listening :)
What about you: Has anyone ever stopped being you friend, but didn't know why? What happened? Does it bother you still?
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ha starr horn middle/high school.
ReplyDeletewoah, I saw Starr at some bar in Lexington last month. hadn't seen him since like, elementary school?
ReplyDeleteellen, I totally know what you mean. surprisingly, this has happened to be with um, like all of my best friends. we'll be "off" for a year and then "get back together" again. I love my best friends, but they're all weird in some way or another. oh well.
You know! I feel this same way! I totally did that to a friend recently because I just didn't have the time nor energy to deal with her constant flaky/braggart like behavior. Great blog topic!
ReplyDeleteIt's so funny you blogged about this. One of my best friends since freshman year of high school (eek, that's 16 YEARS!) decided a few months ago that she was over me. We haven't seen her since Danger was born. I emailed a few times and asked if she was mad about anything, but she just said she was super-duper-busy. Then her hubby deleted and BLOCKED me on Facebook. So rad. I finally had to suck it up and admit she's just not that into me anymore. But I've totally concocted amazing soap opera stories in my head to explain why she won't talk to me -- do you ever do that?
ReplyDeleteAww, Starr is my buddy! But yeah, it's been quite a while since I've seen him!!
ReplyDeleteMLA, do your friends live all over? That might make sense. Friendship doesn't have the same meaning and value to everyone, so that is where the problem lies, too.
Hey Cornpuddin, love the name! ;) Did your friend realize that you were distant and confront you about it??
Kara, homegirl must be CRA-ZY!! You are the coolest and most laid back person I know!!! Her loss. Give us an example of one of the soap opera stories you've made up! Please??!
Haha...omg, it's so soapy I can't even write it on here. I'll tell you my awesomely neurotic theories at brunch :)
ReplyDeleteC'mon!!! You're such a talented writer. Grace us with a taste of somethin' :)
ReplyDeleteyeah, being spread out probably has something to do with it, Ellen. one thing I've learned over the years, especially after moving to California, is that you have to WORK at friendships. when you're in school, you see your friends every day, but when you're all spread out, you have to take time to have a phone-date, write an email, mail a letter, etc. you have to learn to ask questions and be a good listener to maintain a solid friendship when you're 2000 miles apart.
ReplyDeleteI think it also has to do with where people are in their lives. I recently had a "break up" with my best friend when I decided to move to Chicago and leave my crazy LA life behind...my BFF totally dropped me because she felt like I was throwing her away for a dude, when in reality, um, I'm almost 30...I'm really ready to start a new chapter in my life (she's much younger).
anyway, it happens for many reasons and it can hurt just as much as, say, breaking up with a fiance...but I've always tried to work things out and it usually turns out alright if you're willing to work at it.
Yes, friendships do take a lot of work. And you're so right about being a good listener...esp when friends are at different stages than you or doing things you can't really relate to. One of my very best friends jsut found out she was preggo and I'm trying really hard to ask questions and be involved in this time in her life bc I want to be an everything-friend...not just a friend someone goes to for select reasons.
ReplyDeleteYes...I am in the midst of this right now. I suddenly lost my job three weeks ago and when I told a friend, she said "Maybe now you will learn to save". I decided life was too short to have this type of energy in my life. Your blog is great...
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Sulie, for cutting out the negative energy. That's terrible! Well, you know I can relate, so if you ever need advice or someone to share a problem with, I'm here :) Ohh, and also, this blog has a new home! It's now on FirednFabulous.com. Check it out!
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