I have a hard time telling my friends that I love them. Does that make me a stone cold bitch?

I hope not. I don't know what my problem is, but whenever a friend says "I love you" over the phone or in a text message, I have a hard time saying or typing it back. I usually just say, "You too!" or at the very most, "Love ya!" Like, when I'm on the phone with a good friend that I haven't talked to in a while, I know the L-word is coming. As the conversation wraps up, I get a little anxious about who's going to say it first. My internal dialogue usually goes something like this: She always says it first--I should this time. But, what if she hadn't planned on saying it? What if it comes out insincere? Shit, Ellen, just say it. It's your best fucking friend. Get a grip. Umm...yeah. What does this mean? Do I have a black heart? Of course I love my friends, obvi--so why can't I effortlessly drop the L-biggity bomb on them?

You'd think I wasn't hugged enough as a child or something. Sheesh. I do think though, that some people throw around the L-word a little too freely. I've had girls tell me they loved me (calm down boys, it was not sexual), and I just thought to myself, "Really?" I mean, I know you can love a lot of people a lot of different ways, so I don't even know why I take this so seriously--especially with my girlfriends. It's something I want to work on because I don't ever want to regret not letting my friends know just how much they mean to me.

Speaking of friends, will you be my friend and join the Fired 'n' Fabulous fan page on Facebook? And follow me on Twitter. And spread the word about FnF and...umm...that's all for now! So whatcha think: Is it weird that I have such a hard time telling my friends I love them?

The older I get, the more I have to ask people out. Weird.

I don't know if it's like this for anyone else, but every time I ask a new friend if she wants to get together, I feel like I'm asking her out on a date. In high school and college, it was easy to casually hang out because you're all kinda just lumped together. But now, you have to actually say, "Hey, I've been wanting to try this new restaurant. Want to check it out with me this weekend?" And then that's usually followed with: "I mean, if you want to. But if you're busy, I totalllly understand. I know it's kind of last-minute notice, so it's no biggie if you can't." 

This is also true with people in the industry I want to network with. One PR girl I worked with a few years ago found my blog somehow (love when that happens!) and emailed me. She lost her job recently too, so I asked her if she wanted to meet for dinner to catch up. We met at an Asian restaurant called Republic in Union Square last night, and I totally felt like I was on a blind date. (We had only worked together via email so I didn't know what she looked like). She had told me what she was wearing in an email, but once I got there, nerves set in as I surveyed the restaurant trying to figure out who she was. After a little searching, we found each other. Phew. She was really friendly and totally looked like Jordana Brewster's younger sister. Any guy would have been more than happy with this date!

We had a great time talking, and when my beef/tomato noodle stew arrived, I realized I probably didn't order the best "date" meal. The noodles were really long, and I didn't have a knife to cut them, so I had to try to saw them with my chopstick. There were a few embarrassing moments where the noodles were hanging out of my mouth and I had to quickly suck them up, but I don't think I made too much of a scene. 

While the conversation flowed easily, I still found myself stressing about what to talk about next a few times because I'm not totally comfortable with silence. I asked her every possible question I could think of, and somehow we even got on the topic of her favorite underwear! (Hanky Panky is my fave, too ;). It's been such a long time since I've been on a first "date" with anyone, so it was definitely good practice for keeping my conversational skills sharp.

I had a lot of fun on my "date," and I think there might be a second one. Whether you're networking or just trying to make a new friend, does anyone else feel like they have to practically ask someone on a date in order to hang out?

Do you wish you had more friends?

I have tons of wonderful friends, but sometimes I find myself wishing I had more. I know, I know, I always want more. More clothes, more money, more friends—I'm a greedy bitch. New York is so crazy and everyone is busy, and lives in a different 'hood, so it's not always easy to get together. So, if I had more friends, I wouldn't have to worry about going to events by myself, which is just what I might have to do on Wednesday night. 

Just as I was thinking this, I came across something on Twitter that made me laugh and rethink everything I just said. Here it is:

"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."

This is a tweet from Shitmydadsays. He's a 29 year-old dude who lives with his 73 year-old dad and documents every hilarious word out of his mouth.  My friend and FnF reader, Michael, introduced me to him and I'm so glad. Isn't this quote genius? My dad had the same best friend, Bobby Clark, for 60 years. He seemed so content to just hang with Bobby or be with family, and I always thought that was pretty cool. I think if we're going to take anything from this, it should be that the older you get, it's the quality, not quantity of friends you have that's important. Plus, who really wants to help anyone "move shit"? 

What about you guys: Do you sometimes wish you had more friends?

Do you have friends for different reasons?

I do. Well, obviously, anyone who is my friend is someone I deem as a sweet, caring and fun person, but there are friends I turn to for different reasons. I have friends I like to gossip with; friends I vent to when I'm having a "fat day"; friends I love talking about career goals with; friends I call to party with and friends I go to when I need straight up advice. When you're younger, it's easier to have friends who meet most of your needs because you're all on an equal playing field. But now I have friends younger and older than me; most are married (and some are starting to have babies, whoa!) and a lot live far away and have totally different careers, so it's hard to get everything I need from just one person. Even my best friends. 

My sis, Liza, is the only person that is my everything-friend. Even though we're at different stages of our lives with certain things, I can go to her with anything, and I know she will understand and genuinely care. Whether it's something serious or totally frivolous, we can go to each other knowing the other person will just get it. I feel incredibly lucky!

What about you: Do you have friends for different reasons? And do you have an everything-friend like I do?